Reason # 789 – While My Guitar Hero Gently Weeps

Have you ever wondered why beatlemart hasn’t jumped on the Guitar Hero bandwagon yet? Pretty strange considering it involves money going directly into their pockets. Its not as if they haven’t been asked either, the masses are practically down on their hands and knees begging for a song to play along with. Yet for some reason, they keep turning down this easy money…something strange is afoot, and we have the answer.

The powers that be realize that the shrine to George Harrison is built on a very flimsy foundation, the illusion that he was a great guitarist. He may very well have been the best guitarist in the beatles, but his reign as master ends there. We’ll agree he was a capable guitar player, but lets face it: most of his parts were simply paint-by-number embellishments. The beatlemachine knows this, and they want it kept secret. How many books of guitar tablature do you think they’d sell if a three year old laughed at how easy the songs are to play? Besides, the three year olds will most likely despise this music after being forced to listen beatle lullabys.

If you’re having trouble wrapping your head around this, here is a simple test that you can do yourself.

    The Guitar Hero Challenge:

1. Choose any FF song with what you consider great guitar work. Better yet, pick three or even five of your favorites.

2. Select a song at random from the list below, this is the songlist for Guitar Hero I. (Guitar Hero II will also work)

3. Compare the two songs, and judge them on the merits of the guitar playing alone. Take into consideration technical ability, speed, originality, melody, technique, or even bitchin’ tone.

Motorhead – “Ace of Spades”
Ozzie Osbourne – “Bark at the Moon”
Audioslave – “Cochise”
Pantera – “Cowboys From Hell”
Cream – “Crossroads”
Sum 41 – “Fat Lip”
Edgar Winter Group – “Frankenstein”
Blue Oyster Cult – “Godzilla”
Burning Brides – “Heart Full of Black”
The Exies – “Hey You”
Red Hot Chili Peppers – “Higher Ground”
Joann Jett – “I Love Rock and Roll”
The Ramones – “I Wanna Be Sedated”
Bad Religion – “Infected”
Black Sabbath – “Iron Man”
Queen – “Killer Queen”
Boston – “More Than A Feeling”
Queens of the Stone Age – “No One Knows”
ZZ Top – “Sharp Dressed Man”
Deep Purple – “Smoke on the Water”
Jimi Hendrix – “Spanish Castle Magic”
Incubus – “Stellar”
Megadeth – “Symphony of Destruction”
The Donnas – “Take It Off”
Franz Ferdinand – “Take Me Out”
Stevie Ray Vaughn – “Texas Flood”
White Zombie – “Thunderkiss 65”
Helmet – “Unsung”
Judas Priest – “You Got Another Thing Comin”
David Bowie – “Ziggy Stardust”

After reading through this list, can you think of even one song from their entire catalogue to put to the test?
We rest our case.

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19 thoughts on “Reason # 789 – While My Guitar Hero Gently Weeps

  1. al

    wtf ?? are you really entertaining this idea?? the beatles dont have ‘complicated’ guitar licks?? while my guitar gently weeps, taxman. not all of those songs above are shredding riffs, some are just double note songs, what about The Killers “when you were young” ?? think before you type

  2. John

    are you kidding me? you have no musical taste, and no musical knowledge whatsoever if you actually rate the songs ‘I love rock and roll’ and ‘more than a feeling’ better than any song in the entire beatles catologue. i am convinced this site is a complete joke. ‘smoke on the water’? seriously? the beatles are the best band to ever walk the face of this earth. i hope one day you will take back these absurd claims and apologize!

  3. Das Post author

    There seems to be some misunderstanding here. If you judge the aforementioned music by the merits of its guitar playing, than yes those songs are far superior to anything the Fabless ever recorded.

    If you can find an example to the contrary I’ll be happy to reconsider, if not please run along and play in traffic.

    Your pal,
    -Das

  4. too

    al, Taxman sucks, and that’s Eric Clapton playing guitar on while my guitar gently weeps. Beatles can’t play guitar for shit

  5. Ziggy

    This website is shit, people who think that Beatles suck are a minority.

    Assume it, guys, the world loves the Beatles and this stupid and faggot website won’t change that at all.

    You’re losing your time, bye bye 🙂

  6. Azzi

    Ziggy… in 1936 Germany, people who hated Hitler were a (dead, in some parts, or in loads of parts… yuk!) minority. Does that mean he was good? Probably more musically inventive though… and more likeable than McCartney…

  7. sam

    It astounds me that Beatles fans are homophobes who love to use hate language like “Faggot” – I had always assumed them to be wishy-washy love and peace hippies. But now I realise they are Nazis. Amazing!

  8. beatlesfan

    Umm they just kind of came out with beatles rock band and it sold better than guitar hero 5….listen to paper back writer or ,the end or pretty much any song on abbey road and tell me they couldnt play guitar.

  9. Norcs

    Oi, Ziggy!!!

    How can you say that people who don’t like the beatless are in the minority??

    Do you actually know how many people are on the planet, or can you not see from the rock that you live under?

    James, I think it’s shit.

    beatless fan, they couldn’t play guitar. There, I said it. It only sold better than GH5 becuase all you brainwashed “fans” have nothing better to spend your money on. You’re all nerds!!

  10. Das Post author

    beatitfan, please don’t try and pass off Paperback Writer as an example of great guitar work, or for that matter the number of games sold as an argument that the FF were a good band. They stand as the undefeated marketing kings of all time, but we’re talking about music.

    I have listened to every song on Abbey Road, and I can honestly stand behind my statements. It’s painfully obvious you didn’t have the heart to take the ‘Guitar Hero’ challenge, so please get yourself a juice box and play your game elsewhere.

    And to back up Norc’s statement: http://suckmybeatles.com/2007/12/04/reason-741-help-i-need-some-practice/

  11. Norcs

    This product should be banned under trade descriptions laws. For a start the beatless were and never have been a rock band. They’re a pop / boy band who went “off the rails”.

    Their mind-numbing tracks would be very easy to play on a normal guitar, never mind this dumbed-down version.

    Their “fans” make the bold assumption that the beatless are basically the root of all “rock” music ever, and that if they had never existed, “rock” would still sound like Elvis. But when you say that The Beatles are the be all and end all of “rock” music today, you’re an idiot. Rock and Roll existed before the beatless, and it would probably have existed and done fine without them.

    Look at Led Zeppelin. They basically evolved from the Yardbirds, who formed around 1962, roughly the same time as the beatless. Lets assume the beatless never existed (if only). The Yardbirds probably would have gotten just as big, having Clapton, Page, and Beck all joining the band, and Page turning the band into Led Zeppelin, maybe sounding slightly different that the Led Zeppelin we know today.

    On top of that, bands and performers such as Chuck Berry, The Yardbirds, and The Kinks would have had a larger influence on true rock ‘n’ roll. And of course, we can’t forget Les Paul, who not only made great advances in recording technology, but also helped greatly in the popularisation of the electric guitar, an essential element of virtually all rock, country, funk, metal, prog, punk, and much avant-garde.

    During the publicity campaign for Rock Band and the remastered CDs, Thumbs mcfartney made the the surprise claim that it was he who was responsible for the besuited look which launched the band’s commercial career.

    In a recent interview he told how, while on holiday with his family at a Butlin’s holiday camp in the mid 50s, he experienced an epiphany; four young men walked past the swimming pool dressed in exactly the same clothes. That night it became apparent they were a band, who appeared on stage in the ballroom wearing suits of the same smart cut. Mcfartney’s tale does not accord with any previous accounts, including that of their late tailor Dougie Millings.

    In Brian Epstein’s 1964 autobiography A Cellarful Of Noise (How apt!!) their manager describes in detail how he had to address their “scruffy” early leather-clad rocker look. Epstein’s assistant Alistair Taylor recalled in his own book that on December 14 1961 – the day after the beatles signed their management contract – the foursome were marched to Birkenhead tailor Beno Dorn (a friend of Epstein’s) for fittings for matching made-to-measure dark blue suits. They also had their hair neatened at Liverpool’s top-notch barber Horne Brothers.

    And if that’s not record company marketing, then what is?

  12. Das Post author

    Amen, brutha. It’s a well known fact that Brian Epstein picked up these ‘leather clad rockers’ and polished them to a high lustre with matching suits and haircuts, and began pimping them out immediately. Lennon himself admits that it was then at the beginning of their career, that they sold out.

    Listen to the audio clip on this article to hear it directly from the horses mouth: http://suckmybeatles.com/2008/04/02/reason-141-the-beatles-sucked-claims-another-former-beatle/

  13. Jack

    I got Guitar Hero III last April for my 15th Birthday and am still at between 95 and 100% on Medium, my attempts at Hard only recently being successful. On the other hand I got The Beatles Rock Band for Xmas and stayed on Medium until a few weeks ago (it is now March) when i decided to try Expert on While My Guitar Gently Weeps. I found it too easy, tried Expert and got over 90%, with only the Chorus bits dragging me down and the Solos being so easy they’re almost boring to play. So let’s see, that’s Guitar Hero Hard Rock Songs time to Expert = er, it’ll probably be a total of 18 months by the time I get there. The Beatles “Rock” Band time to Expert = 2-and-a-half-months. Up yours, Lennon and Harrison.

  14. Mark

    What has the number of notes long-haired dudes in tight pants can play in a second got to do with ‘great’ music, or whether or not the Beatles were any good? They played as well as was necessary for their music. They are certainly overrated by those who think they invented everything (by themselves) and ‘changed the world’, but getting criticism for not actually being show-off guitar wankers is laughable. Fast isn’t better than good. Complex isn’t better than simple.

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