Reason # 781 – Statues of Limitations

Breaking News!

Its just been reported that Liverpool has been overrun with cries to build a statue of the so called fifth beatle, Brian Epstein. This is fantastic news, Liverpool hasn’t erected a new statue of the beatles in nearly a month. Austin, Texas has taken advantage of this sculpting lull by putting up its own towering tribute to the FF, a 36 foot version of the band holding their instruments and looking befuddled. What describes Texas better than a gargantuan edifice deifying an ancient pop band from England?


Liverpool’s lacklustre moptop glorification is becoming more and more apparent, only 999,999 out of every 1,000,000 people even know who the beatles are. Even worse, only 9 out of 10 preschoolers can recite the words to She Said, She Said. What a disgrace. A quick glance at the city reveals thousands of empty corners and unadorned shop windows. Liverpool should be ashamed of itself for letting this festering obsession become nothing more than an unhealthy fixation.


We salute the public demand for a fifth beatle homage, in fact we have the perfect effigy of Brian Epstein for the monument:


We’ll do whatever it takes to help with this noble effort.

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