Well, its that time of year again. The stores are flooded with fresh batches of FF propaganda. The powers that be can now take advantage of this opportunity not only to try and force you to drop money on 30 year old recordings, but also cram as many kids as possible into movie theatres to sit through their latest pea-brained remakes of thirty year old Christmas movies and bombard them with product placements.

One of this seasons most highly anticipated cash-grabs is the new Chipmunks movie. Now we all know that Hollywood producers need to eat too, or at least support their coke and whore habits, and what better way to separate kids from their allowances than slapping together a tried and true formula: a stupid idea with a thin plot and obnoxious high-pitched voices singing vomit-worthy songs. Oh yeah, we’ve already crapped out a beatles movie this week, just slap a fresh coat of computer animation on this one, dammit! Step on it, my limo is waiting!

But we’re not movie critics, so what do we care what the conglomerate cinema cretins do? Well, there are a lot of similarities between the Chipmunks and the FF.

The Chipmunks are a Grammy award winning music group, created in 1958.
The FF are a Grammy award winning music group, created in 1958.
The Chipmunks had four members; Alvin, the mischievous troublemaker, Simon, the tall bespectacled intellectual, and Theodore, the chubby, impressionable sweetheart, and their human “father” and confidant, David Seville.
The FF had four members; Ringo, the mischievous troublemaker, John, the tall bespectacled intellectual, and Paul, the chubby, impressionable sweetheart, and George. Brian Epstein would take the role of the father and manager.
The Chipmunks started out singing novelty songs.
The FF were produced by the creator of novelty songs.
The Chipmunks had a hit with the single All My Loving in 1964.
The FF had a hit with the single All My Loving in 1964.

The Chipmunks were well produced, earning Grammys for engineering accomplishments in the studio. So did the FF.
The Chimpunks had a cartoon series in the 60’s. So did the FF.
The Chipmunks made cartoon movies. So did the FF.
The Chipmunks have dolls and toys fashioned after them. So do the FF.
The Chipmunks career faltered after their creator Ross Bagdasarian died.
The FF‘s career faltered after their creator Brian Epstein died.
The Chipmunks were annoyingly cute, and sang stupid pop songs. The FF…
The Chipmunks have become pop culture staples, frequently quoted and referenced in movies, television shows and books. They are re-issued, repackaged and resold every year, and their ridiculous Christmas song pollutes the airwaves for the entire month of December, and we ain’t talkin’ War is Over recorded by a couple of drunk 60 year old rodents backed up by strung out metal band.
[audio:christmas.mp3]
The FF…you get the picture.

Both of these commodities follow the same formula. They’re geared towards similar audiences, and profit the same corporate pick-pockets, the only difference is the packaging. Its like being handed and apple and an acorn and asked which one is better, only to discover they’re both made out of wax.

The next time you feel the urge to run out and buy one of these:

remember who the real puppets are.