Reason #663 – Fixing a Hair

Breaking News!

Thanks to SMB another devious FF plot was recently foiled in London.
Gorringes Auction House put on the auction block a lock of the late beatle John Lennon’s hair. The fab follicles were sold to an unnamed bidder for the hefty sum of $48,000 USD. This isn’t surprising, as just this summer one of Paul McCartney’s shoelaces sold for $20,000 USD. Apparently they were from the very same shoes he didn’t wear on the cover of Abbey Road. Now thats a slice of history.

The troublesome thing about this auction is the fact that the winner still remains unnamed, and the memorabilia in question is from the actual body of an FF member. We knew instantly upon hearing about this that there was something fishy afoot, so we decided to put our investigative powers to work and unearth the real truth before it was too late. Our objectives were to discover exactly what was for sale, who these unnamed mystery bidders were, and what they planned to do with this hominidae fiber.

It didn’t take long to get answers. The hair in question was undeniably from Lennon, and it came with a book full of useless scribbles. Our mole, posing as a special beatles memorabilia forensic analyst, had a chance to examine the hair before it was sold, and just in the nick of time managed to remove a tiny bit of scalp found clinging to the papilla of a single hair. We had answers. Up for grabs wasn’t a paltry lock of hair, it was Lennon’s DNA!

Our SbMFA at work:


If this had fallen into the wrong hands it could have meant the end of the world as we know it. Armies of mutant Lennon clones, new recordings, more Starbucks releases…its horrifying to even think what else had been planned, but we suspect it was something like this:

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Now that disaster had been averted we needed to find out who so desperately wanted this DNA. A quick glance at the registry revealed that the majority of the bidders were largely the same braindead sycophantic millionaire beatleheads who had previously bid on the aforementioned shoelace, with one exception: Dr Herbert West.

If that name sounds familiar it probably means you’ve read the H.P. Lovecraft novella Dr. Herbert Wells – Re-animator, the sweet tale of a mad scientist obsessed with bringing the dead back to life. Cute alias, and in retrospect it would have been very ironic had the plan not been foiled. At the time of this writing we still haven’t been able to identify the true culprits behind this fiendish plot, and the only thing we have to go on is a blurred image captured on surveillance cameras shortly after the auction ended. You be the judge.


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2 thoughts on “Reason #663 – Fixing a Hair

  1. Scorpion

    I guess it’s most strange knowing that Paul never, at least late in his career, aged as a “cool” guy. He always held his artistic credibility, but did many things that are quite cringe-worthy. That cool factor kind of dropped a bit. In recent times, though Paul’s cool temperature is red hot. He’s got several artistic and adventurous solo albums, and has also produced a remix album, and avant-garde album under a different moniker that would make the coolest hipster nod in approval. Maybe a Fireman tune or two will make a Coachella appearance as well, it’s nothing too much just out of sight.

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