Fan mail #1 – A word from the average beatle fan

Welcome to our newest feature, Fan mail aka: If everybody hates you, you must be doing something right.

We’ve had plenty of requests to share some of the messages received from our more eloquent detractors. After wading through hundreds of emails consisting of variations on the theme, ‘You’se guys are stupids! LOL! How come you not die?ROTLFLMA!‘ We’ve selected a few masterpieces to give you an idea of what the average beatle fan thinks, where they’re coming from, and their opinion of our work. A glimpse into the mind of what we’re up against.

Without further ado, here’s the first letter from our series. This one came to us through our Myspace account. In this young mans defense, he did come around and see a glimmer of light at the end of the FF dungeon.

*Please note: spelling, grammar, and punctuation have been left in their original form. If anyone cares to submit an English translation please get in touch with us via the contact page -Das*

Subject: man you must have a good life

your so fucked up you must cut down the greatist progreshion in music since cave men beat on crap to make drum beats john lennon said that they where beter known than the god not beatler than god and they where more people at that time knew of the beatles than of god so that argument is bull shit the beatles are funier than you tough stop bitching about it george harrison divoted his life to music and did a lot for the world and your a jackass for malesting the cover to let it be. paule micartney is well within the ranks of the best modern conposers dont believe me listine to wings live and let die very carfully then reconsider you opinion. john lennon did more for the anti vietnam movent then other single artist wich probably does not concern you because from the sound of it you are one of thous nazis who like to send americas youth off forcefully tword iminate death because of net picky political crap. mind you he was protesting will the president himself was looking four an excuse to have him deported because he was afraid that john whould potentialy threten the publices opinion on his personal war excuse me i cant call it a war, police action and yes john hade a drug problem but to conplety disrespect one of the world finest musicians because of your bias bullshit especialy sence lennon managed to break his harowin adiction [if you could have enouf self controll to break a harowin adiction i will eat my keyboard] and tell his son he was a smelly hippie you fucking asshole i am two pissed to take the time to talk about ringo right know but if you have a problem with the beatle kicking you ass at life send me a message of all you conplants and i will adress them personaly untill then dont be a your an asshole

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27 thoughts on “Fan mail #1 – A word from the average beatle fan

  1. jp

    I didn’t think you’d take it so seriously Das..gezzduude..

    I thought my bit about wings was especially good. well within the ranks of modern composers..of course Keith Emerson..dude..

    have you ever seen the amerikanski comic “get fuzzy”? I tried to spell the above in the manner of Bucky the Cat..works great! Less Filling!

    don’t forget to vote for Hillary tomorrow! we need another republican in the white house..PLUS!! she is SO into Paul.

    though….
    takin care of biddness is her theme song..i am not making this up!.. but hey Das?..isn’t that..Canadian? COOL!
    NAFTA! It works in so many ways!
    jp
    website is back up too..zzzzzzzzzzzzz

  2. Das Post author

    I should have recognized it was you from you’re insightful words on Paul:

    “paule micartney is well within the ranks of the best modern conposers”

    Yeah, all great American political songs come from Canada. What says vote republican better than a couple of boozed up hosers?

  3. jp

    ok, i ‘fess up..I am taking credit for something I didn’t do. As IF..I could write something as well as that..I wish..I mean if i could..I could get a gig doing viral marketing for..Hillary.

    truth! dude! stranger than fiction..
    dude!
    rotfl etc..

  4. dep

    This website is such a load of crap. Stop thinking that we are only fans of the beatles b/c we grew up with their music. Hey, here’s a thought, perhaps everyone knows and likes the Beatles music b/c they were HUGE. People love the Beatles’ music (well, everyone but the stuck-up Jesus-freaks that we all know as christians) b/c it is enjoyable and catchy music. Let me guess, you’re into, hmmm… The Rolling Stones, U2, Aerosmith, etc (the etcetera is placed there in order to show that the list of shitty bands goes on and on). The Beatles were talented, you should learn something about music (and writing), then try judging them. Now, I know that I’m being harsh and everything b/c you are probably just some angry little boy/middle-aged man living in your mothers basement, and yet, all of the shit that you spew on the internet makes me already dislike you. Anyway, I’m not the Beatles’ biggest fan or anything, but, as a musician, or as someone who can appreciate talent, I know without having to be told by anyone else that the Beatles were a great band. You think that you are so trendy for writing this shit, but noone will “spread the word” effectively. You are such a little boy/girl. Oh, and by the way, Hillary is not a Republican and modern day Republicans would have hated the Beatles.

  5. Das Post author

    Thanks for the comment dep!

    I realize the majority of these comments are akin to a bird crap flyby, yet I can’t help but reply. Shoo! Damn pigeons!

    Kindly notice that we’ve never tried to push any other music on our readers. Its far too subjective to argue that ‘this’ band is actually talented, while the FF sucked balls. Caveat Emptor. You like what you like, but perhaps you should understand why.
    One of our main points is that the beatles were HUGE. There is no escape. Its hard to deny a combination of brainwashing, marketing and nostalgia account for the majority of this bands ongoing success…forty years later…

    If you’re a musician I’m sure you can appreciate the technical achievements of their engineers and the brilliance of George Martin. Imagine yourself in a recording studio with unlimited time, unlimited money, the best session musicians and equipment in the world, plus the aforementioned talent at your disposal. You could make an album equal to anything the FF did. While standing on your head! It probably wouldn’t go anywhere unless you also possessed the unlimited marketing to force it on your adoring public who would swear you walk on water, but you could do it.

    As for judging music, we’ve made ample comparisons of relevant artists for your consideration. There is a level playing field here, not a group of anonymous dorks preaching the gospel of John, Paul, George and Ringo.

    At any rate, thanks for dropping by.
    Your pal,
    Das, the little boy/girl/middle-aged man who lives in his mommy’s basement.

  6. better then you

    you guys are freaking dumb idiots that probly piss on you grandmas faces you probly never even listen to beatles and are dumb. i bet you never even done weed or drugs tghat is probly why youdont like the beatles nd love war and unhippy suff. i hope you guys are shit and never see you walking down the streat alone cause ill beat you guys up.

    the end

  7. Alex

    i’ve been a big fan of the beatles since late 2006 when i was 13, and to be honest it’s probably harder to be a fan at my age than ever before. it’s not “cool” to like them in many circles, so i started liking their music by my own free will. mind you, in recent years across the universe /has/ made it “cool” to an extent ~

  8. The Sewer The Sewer

    The Beatles were a good pop band, but that’s it – Nothing more and Nothing less

    They are not Gods or Demi Gods – They just wrote some good pop stuff that’s all!!!

  9. Rowen Yeme

    I Grew up in the Sixties and thankfully my Parents hated them as much as I do now and will be eternally grateful to them for that one thing and negates my spending years in therapy for the naughty step and psychological warfare they used on me and my Brothers (Only kidding pops) My Parents were into King Crimson, philip Glass and the Floyd they considered the Stones a bit fake and tad pretentious. So my childhood was blissful on the home front it was the sad twats on the outside who did their level best to brainwash me into thinking they were great, they weren’t, they were shite pap music for lifts and lifts only.
    They had talent behind them and loads of money as well as PAYOLA in the States to get them everywhere. Well the good news is there only two of them left and they are still damaging the name of music, they have enough why dont they just FUCK off and RETIRE.

  10. Gerardo

    What’s the deal with all the fucked up spelling (never mind the grammar, I don’t have the energy to deal with it after laughing at all the angry comments.) Don’t beatle fans know how to use spell check, you’re on a fucking computer for gods sake. How hard is it to copy and paste into word or some similar shit and at least write your ignorant banter in a way we can all understand without a degree in idiotics.

    Or is it that the spewing of vile is as spasmodic and pleasurable as an orgasm? I feels so good that it doesn’t matter how it comes out as long as it does. We’ll just deal with the mess later.

    At any rate, if your stimulating your readers to the point convulsion in fits of anger, then you are doing a great job.

    Love the site.

  11. Ed

    I wish the Beatles would just go the hell away. …Forever. I’m so sick of hearing those same songs over, and over and having them crammed down my throat as “the best”. Tunes like “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” have and always will sound to me like they’ve been written for a kindergarten class. Maybe when the Boomers finally die off we’ll get a bit of a reprieve? …I hope?

    I’ve lost what I thought were friends when I had to admit that not only did I not care for the Beatles, I actually disliked them. …I never got angry at anyone who didn’t like my favourite bands so why are Beatles fans so weird about it?

    Nice to see there are some other maniacs out there like me who think this music sounds like it’s for drooling idiots.

  12. Jim

    Why are all the beatles fans being so aggressive?! The site is only someone’s opinions.

    ps. The beatles are shit.

  13. Azzi

    Just how were the Beatles more famous than God? During the time they were still releasing as an intact group, the album sales estimate was around 1bn, so divide that by however many crummy studio and rehashed albums that fall into this category, and your in terms of hundreds of millions.
    Now, on the premise that all religions pray to different Gods, which is a topic for dispute… Christianity had a billion members back then anyway… yeah…
    Now look at the other religions and add them all together…
    Also, on the subject of God, all the cavemen, through the classical civilisations, the dark ages, the rennaissance, through to today, believed in a God or gods… and all the isolated civilisations that did not have radios or record players in the 60s still believed in a form of God or another. Wow… the world must have come from somewhere, so it must have been formed by 4 drug addicts from Liverpool with no power ever to match other humans in physical stature or mental competence to rival even a secondary school student studying the sciences!
    And that is where their arrogance forced people from dislike to hate.
    Also, Jim, it does seem a bit odd… people spouting stuff like:
    “The Beatles sang about peace and tried to prevent war and stuff. Keep on dissing them and I’ll nuke your house and rape your corpse you dickhead.”
    Of course this was translated into english for the benefit of the reader…

  14. Rowen Yeme

    What is Yellow and feeds off dead Beatles… Yoko
    A dog with WIngs is called Linda …

    The only two jokes I know about the Beatles, know anymore?

  15. Norcs

    Q: What would be necessary to reunite the Beatles?
    A: A gun and two bullets

    Q: When did Paul McCartney write ‘Silly Love Songs’
    A: 1962-2005

    The beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album…
    It’s mostly drum and bass.

    Q: Why did audiences scream so loud at beatles concerts?
    A: The shock of seeing four scousers working.

    In the 1960s, John Lennon said that The beatles were more famous than God.
    God wasn’t amused.
    So now Lennon’s famous for his last hit….a bullet in the back.
    George is famous for being a dead hippy.
    Paul is famous for being mugged by a one legged bandit.
    Ringo, bless him, is famous as the voice of Thomas the Tank Engine.
    God don’t take no shit!

    Back in the Swinging Sixties, Michael Caine is holding a big showbiz party in his swanky new house. Everyone who’s anyone is there – top stars from the worlds of movies, music, fashion and art. There’s a feed of pints, the best wines that money can buy, champagne, oysters, caviar.

    Lennon and McCartney are helping themselves at the bar, Jim Morrison and his band are sitting on the couch singing ‘Come On Baby Light My Fire’, and over in the corner George Peppard’s getting very pally with Sophia Loren.

    All’s going well until Jim Morrison decides he’s bored out of his skull, and wants to go home for an early night, curled up with a good book. “Oi, Jim,” objects Michael Caine “party’s just got started. How’s about I get one of ‘the ladies’ to take you into the spare bedroom for a bit of ‘how’s yer father?”.
    “Fair play!” nods Jim, well, that’s not his exact words, but you get the gist, “as long as she does the rest of the band too.”
    “Not a problem, Jim,” smiles Michael as he pulls a young dolly bird in close and whispers some instructions in her ear.

    Half an hour later, the young lass is just wiping her chin, when in walks Ringo Starr from The beatles. “All right, luv?” He droned, “don’t suppose you fancy extending that service to me, do you?”. The young woman thinks about this for a second, then says “what the hell!” And proceeds to unzip Ringo’s fly and get to work. Ringo’s having a grand time, until, moments before the end, the door flies open and Michael Caine bursts in and grabs the girl by the back of the hair and slaps her hard across the face!
    “Wh-what was that for?” she whimpers.
    “I TOLD YOU,” Caine snarls….. “YOU WERE ONLY S’POSED TO BLOW THE BLOODY DOORS OFF!”

    There are two adverts on TV featuring the drummer from the beatles at the moment, in one he wonders if he would have been famous if he was still called Richard Starky and in the other he insists that you don’t call him by his stage name Ringo Starr. So which is it?

    I think I`ll settle this and call him a cunt.

  16. John Paul

    The Beatles are awesome. Pretty much everyone on here is just full of hate. I’ve met people who don’t like the Beatles, but nowhere have I seen such hate being displayed than here. Maybe you should listen to the Beatles more?

    What’s wrong with love and peace?

    I’m curious, what kind of music do you people like? Pretty much all the music out there has been influenced by the Beatles in one way or another.

    Beatle fans aren’t just a bunch of hippies. I was named after the Beatles, and my parents were like anti-hippies in the sixties. They’re both huge fans and I’ve been a fan ever since I can remember.

    It’s just that, if there was better music out there (and I’ve heard it all) I would listen to that instead. I hear songs on the radio nowadays and I don’t know what’s wrong with everybody. It’s nothing like the Beatles’ music.

    Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, but you don’t have to be so damn rude about it. If you don’t like the Beatles, then stop making such a big fuss about them. Listen to something else! I hate rap music, but you don’t see me starting a website about it.

    I’ll depart with some wise words I once heard.

    “Life goes on within you, and without you.”

    ~John Paul

  17. Dogshit

    Oh, I have to eat you up there John Paul!

    First you say this….”I’m curious, what kind of music do you people like? Pretty much all the music out there has been influenced by the Beatles in one way or another.”

    This is one of the biggest reasons we hate the beatles. Always this with no fact, and retarded people like you actually believe it!

    BUT THEN YOU SAY…..”I hear songs on the radio nowadays and I don’t know what’s wrong with everybody. It’s nothing like the Beatles’ music.”

    ????????……Pardoxical confliction isn’t it? I thought influence would make it sound similiar or better, or are you saying they REALLY did influence all other music today, and this is the end result……worse music??????

    Now I know how Clinton and Obama got into office!

  18. Das Post author

    Hats off to Dogshit, our new spokesman. That was beautifully stated.

    To paraphrase Dave Bidini’s Around the world in 57 1/2 Gigs:

    “The beatles have become just another way that big business is attempting to squash the world into one compliant white mass jiggled to a nostalgic soundtrack tied to product placement and the lie that one generation’s music is superior to another’s because its songs, like millions of pop cockroaches, cannot be killed.”

    To paraphrase Suck My Beatles:

    Just as the Edsel was a milestone for cars, Betamax was a milestone for home video, Enron was a milestone for corporate investment and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial was a milestone for video games, so were the beatles a milestone for music.

  19. Dogshit

    Thank you. Can I have a micro badge for the electronic door now?

    But I know it’s futile talking to most of these fans; almost like talking to my dog because she only hears and recognizes every 10th word or so! She also crapped in the floor last night and I thought someone had just ripped the cellophane off of a fresh copy of Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts record.

  20. Dogshit

    Oh, I missed something though that is pretty racist towards my family and I!

    “What is Yellow and feeds off dead Beatles… Yoko”

    My wife is indigenous Japanese, and we both find that……………………………………………………………….FUCKING HILARIOUS!

    Laughter aside, Yoko was richer than the beatles because Ono’s mother was the granddaughter of the founder of Yasuda Bank.

    Maybe she was just wanting to impress Grandpa or Papa that she could make her own money.

    Here’s a link for you. http://www.nndb.com/people/087/000023018/

    I still refuse to capitalize the word beatles, unless it is some insect important to vegetation, pollination, etc.

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