Breaking News!

Following a much maligned documentary drought lasting nearly fifteen minutes, beatlemart is finally back to work!
To make up for their lack of productivity they’ve stunned the world by pumping out not one, but TWO brilliant new works of art to deify the crumbling remains of what once was a mighty and insurmountable gravy train. Whoops sorry, make that rock band.

The first incredibly important waste of celluloid is entitled, All Together Now. It chronicles one of the greatest casualties of modern theatre; LOVE, aka: Cirque du So Lame. Finally we’ll have a chance to see behind the scenes of this glorious production! Candid, never before cared about interviews and clips of McCartney, Ringo and Yoko Ono hard at work.

We imagine it looks something like this:

*Warning – Spoilers!*

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3R1yGoDXlo[/youtube]

The second film is of far greater cultural and historical significance. Three days in the Life come from a recently discovered wealth of John Lennon videos. Nine excruciating hours of it. This surely means eight more films. It shows the former beatle at home doing such incredible things as, brushing his teeth and cooking dinner, as well as more exciting things like walking, sitting and doing chores. Its been called a precursor to reality television. Oh boy, maybe we’ll get to see Lennon eating live maggots while walking barefoot over broken glass!

Luckily for us, at the last minute Yoko intervened and blocked its premiere claiming she didn’t authorize its release. In other words, a candid Lennon would be seen as human, and that could spoil his image. Either way, we are once again in Yoko’s debt. Thank you!

A quote from executive producer Ray F. Thomas puts the importance of this film into focus for us:

Bring your students and peers to witness an important part of history through this incredible educational documentary. It will no doubt inspire and challenge young minds to think differently and make a difference in the world … just as Lennon did.

Professor Tangier, who holds his PHD in Bullshitology, was heartbroken by this tragedy and couldn’t be reached for comment. Don’t worry professor, tomorrow there will be a new film to take your class of beatards to. Maybe they’ll even d-colorize Help! Gee, wouldn’t that be swell?

You can view eight minutes of this controversial new film here, if you have eight minutes you’d like to squander.

*warning – don’t watch*