Fan Mail #3 – Help! There’s a Beatle in the closet!

According to popular opinion, anybody who doesn’t like the beatles is a homosexual who lives in his mothers basement. This seems to be the consensus amongst beatarded fans, so if you don’t think the FF walked on water you’d better run out and grab a tube of Astroglide and a Judy Garland album.

Its strange when you’re suddenly forced to realize that your sexual orientation is hinged upon a bunch of Fab sissies singing silly love songs. Who knew?

These homophobic messages usually take two forms:

The hit and run:

Subject: Hey!
You’re all gay!

and who can forget the angry diatribe:

Subject: I have something to tell you homos!!!
You fucking assholes deserve to suffocate on each others shit. You deserve to die moer than that fat lard ass Mark David Chapman. Why dont you faggots do something useful with your time, like suck each other off, instead of trying to make your own pathetic lives seem better by putting down well-respected and very talented individuals.

Honestly, suffocating on it is still preferable to listening to it.

Parents, listen closely.
If you want to find out if your child is gay just play him a heterosexual anthem like Dear Prudence, I wanna hold your hand, or in a truly desperate case, Michelle or Wild Honey Pie. If the worst is true, simply wrap them in an All you Need is Love pillowcase and drown them in a river.

beatles_arent_gay_comic1.jpg

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10 thoughts on “Fan Mail #3 – Help! There’s a Beatle in the closet!

  1. jp

    hmmm..John and Brian ..the wee “holiday en espanol”? hmm..and really Bas..”Paul’s Forgotten Love”?
    hmmm..Happiness is a Warm Gun…hmm..black leather outfits on the Reeperbahn..hmmm….hmm..Linda McCartney…hmm..

    not that there’s anything wrong with that..just sayin..hmm hmm hmmm

    really good photoshop or whatever it is of the “magazine” cover..jebus..it had me fooled!

  2. Steve

    You r all on fucking drugs u dumbasses think the beatles are gay well I’ll give u some info on that so called gay photo of the Beatles that photo was taken when they found out from their manager they had their first #1 hit and they were overwhelmed. You would all probably act the same way if u wrote a song and it went into the top 10 or even was #1. fuck all u people who think the Beatles r gay because u know what ur gay
    .-= SteveĀ“s last blog ..Let it Be- Sailor =-.

  3. Sami

    u assholes really need to get a life. some lard ass decided to dedicate his life to insulting the beatles in every way possible. i LOVE the beatles with all my heart and finei fu hate them. but ur deaf. and thts sad if u have nothing better to do with ur life than insult such a revolutionary and influencial and amazing group as the beatles. fuck off deaf sons of bitches!!

  4. Sami

    fuck of u deaf sons of bitches. the beatles are amazing and thats just really sad if you people have nothing better to do with your time than insult the greatest rock and roll group that ever existed. no one will ever me as revolutionary, influencial, and amzing as they were. you cant deny that theyre amazing and if u say otherwise than obviously you dont have ears. or your mentally insane

  5. Stelth

    beatle fans certainly are an articulate bunch! What impressive vocabularies they all seem to command. Do they really think misspelled crusing diatribes are going to change any opinions? I guess LSD isn’t what it used to be.

  6. Stelth

    beatle fans certainly are an articulate bunch! What impressive vocabularies they all seem to command. Do they really think misspelled curse-filled diatribes are going to change any opinions? I guess LSD isn’t what it used to be.

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