Reason # 949 – The Beatles virus

A sinister genius recently launched an email virus targeting the beatle-blind masses. Witless fans would look in their inboxes and find their dreams had come true, a message entitled The Beatles – Back Together Again. Drooling and delirious, they would hysterically click the link provided and be re-directed to a site which installed malware on their PCs. The next time they plugged in their credit card information to pre-order the latest remix of Let It Be, their info would be compromised.

Swindling beatle fans is nothing new, but as hilarious as this new scam is, its still frowned upon by the the fine upstanding folks here at SMB. Seriously, how difficult is it to take money from a beatle fan? A more fitting virus would delete FF songs, videos, bookmarks, and homemade fan fiction.

The all encompassing beatlemart operates exactly like a virus. Its a Trojan horse injected into the mainstream which attacks the unsuspecting recipients brain and wallet in the same way the flu or H.I.V. sneak in and spread through the human body. A virus is a basically a sticky protein shell containing genetic material that latches onto a healthy cell, injects it, and battles for control. If it wins, it permanently alters the way the cell operates and reproduces. A powerful virus can transform defeated cells into a virus replication assembly line, spreading the infection as far as possible. In the case of the beatles, their sticky-sweet cuteness is the container. The effects are comparable to the Herpes simplex virus, which runs the gamut from the occasional minor irritation to severe, debilitating suffering and even death in extreme cases.

The beatle virus, aka: fabfouridae continues to be spread through the media via relentless bombardment. It follows the same basic method as advertising – manipulate the public by overwhelming it with so much senseless information that it deadens their senses and softens their minds. When this happens, you are easily bent over, and messages are rammed up your wazzoo.

Imagine if they played the same Mr. Clean commercials for forty years, never altering the jingle. What if Mr. Clean made the evening news twice a week, had articles written about him nearly everyday in newspapers around the world, made the covers of every music magazine approximately once a year, was played on the radio every hour, had documentaries and books written about him every month proclaiming how great and revolutionary he was and how relevant he remains today. Mr. Clean would be the man! He would be untouchable, especially when it came to being something you rub on the bathroom floor to remove urine stains and foul odors. In this light, we have to admit the beatles are the untouchable urine stains of music.

Please, be responsible. The next time beatlemart accosts you, be it in public or in your own home, be ready. It could mean your life.


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8 thoughts on “Reason # 949 – The Beatles virus

  1. The-Taxman

    What an asshole, you stupid idiot, what do you listen to? Justin beiber and hanah Montana obviously! Look at you making up this shit, it’s just fucking music, your just jelous that you can’t have their fame.
    If you don’t like them then just click away, no need on putting us down
    Gay ass faggot

  2. The-Taxman

    Btw, this is all made up, don’t you have better to do than complain?
    Get a life loser

  3. The-Taxman

    Also, if you hate them so much then why spend time looking up shit about them, there is something called ignoring. You spend a whole day looking stuff up ad writing about them all day long and you say you hate them.
    I hate judging beiber and I don’t have a website about her.
    gay faggot

  4. Das Post author

    I’ll think about that while your shopping for John Lennon pants at the mall with your babysitter.

  5. DogShit

    You hate Justin Bieber but you call him a her? Then you call Das a gay faggot? Sounds like a case of puppy love with Justin myself!

    PS……The beatles SUCK little boy.

  6. TheBeatles

    The Beatles are one of the greatest bands ever to walk the face of the Earth, the Beatles have 16 of the 100 most successful tracks of all time (not to mention they’ve sold 1 Billion albums and counting), and for you to create a website just to discriminate them is just plain stupid. Just explain to me a REAL reason why you hate them and dedicated your pathetic waste of a life to making a website just to make up invalid reasons they’re bad. Also, what music do you like? Rap?

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