Fan Mail #5 – All you need is Love

Revolution, Evolution, Masturbation, Flagellation, Regulation, Integrations, mediations, United Nations, congratulations.

What is beatlemart putting in the water these days? Believe it or not, we’re going to give beatlefans the benefit of the doubt and assume the following messages are from outcasts, the Mansons and Chapmans of the community, and not the average fan. Please don’t prove us wrong!

This message comes to us from a 14yr old boy from Idaho:

Subject: assholes

you damn douches need to just go into a dark ally get jumped by 50,000 beaners and then get raped by a fucking hobo because what u assholes are saying about the beatles is 100% immorally wrong you fucking queers.
LONG LIVE THE BEATLES!!!!!!!

It seems some beatle fans are not only musical fascists lacking a sense of humor, but also bigots, homophobes, racists, and oblivious to irony. If that email offended you, please stop reading right now and look at this happy elephant, cuz it gets a lot worse.

happy-elephant-01.jpg


Subject: UR A

fuckng faggot ass motherfucker suckin on your daddys dick everynight, because your mom and pop never raised you to listen to the beatles cause instead of taking acidd a shrooms, they were shoving methamphetamine and crack in there veins cause you were obviously raised as a crackbaby that has no life and would like to hateon the best musical group that ever lived, and why didn’t they enjoy it….well it’s because your mom was getting raped by your next door neighbor for crack and she creamed so loud because of his big ass prick, I wouldn’t be surprised ifthe neightbor was your fucking father becase your mom was such a slutbag, fuck? who even know who your real father is, I bet she fucked every nigger on the block just for a fix of heroin or speed, YOU DUMB FUCK, YOU SHOULD BE SHOT, if I knew where you lived I would personally show up and beat you the fuck senseless and take a shit on your unconciouse body you asshole eating fuck.

FUCK YOU, learn your history, you dickfeasting piece of fuckshit I wanna meet up woith you and beat you to a pulp, and you think I’m fucking kidding….let’s do it you shiteating cocksucking excuse for nothing, I bet you eat meals with roachesm, and pull scraps out of nearby dumster, I hear a microwave kils anything right, faggot as fuck, if I meet you in public the only thing I’m “gonna let be over”, is your is your fuckin face, yeah…I’ll beat you to a fucking pulp for the beatles…fuckin better not cross my path pussy ass queer.

That literary masterpiece wasn’t written in blood and semen and sent to us from a Gulag, it was sent from a nice young American boy named John that may or may not look like this:

johnhate.jpg

The next message comes to us from a nice young man named Sam:

Subject: uh

Yea, um… suck me COCK!… what do you listed to? nigger music? please go commit suicide! its asshole like you who have to try to force their opinion on everyone that make this world blow dick… The Beatles own you!

Sam wasn’t content with this email. He really wanted to talk to us, so he sent another.

Subject: hhah

YOUR GIRLS ARE FUCKING PUSSY FAGOTS! TO MUCH OF PUSSY BITCHES TO EVEN REPLY TO MY MESSAGES BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WILL BE OWNED… YOUR OPINION IS SHIT BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING RETARD… I HOPE YOU GET AIDS AND GIVE IT TO YOUR SPOUSE AND UNBORN CHILD, OH YEAH THAT’S RIGHT YOUR A FAG YOU CANT HAVE UNBORN CHILDREN…

Unfortunately, we responded.

Hi Sam,

Nice to hear from you again. Its true we didn’t reply to your previous message. We get a lot of emails which are little more than incomprehensible gibberish that seems to be an excuse to call us fags, tell us to get aids, cancer, and die. It normally proves to be a waste of time replying, because name callers like yourself usually don’t have anything intelligent to say, and never respond.
They’re usually pathetic, brain-dead morons, who’ve found an opinion they don’t like regarding something they know little about, on a subject as subjective as music, and throw a hissy fit. The dumber the name-caller, the viler the message.

So, at your request, here we are.
Lets respond to some of your brilliant points:

“Yea, um… suck me COCK!… ”

You want us to suck your cock because you like the beatles? I’m glad that doesn’t sound gay to you.

“YOUR GIRLS ARE FUCKING PUSSY FAGOTS! TO MUCH OF PUSSY BITCHES TO EVEN REPLY TO MY MESSAGES BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WILL BE OWNED… YOUR OPINION IS SHIT BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING RETARD… I HOPE YOU GET AIDS AND GIVE IT TO YOUR SPOUSE AND UNBORN CHILD, OH YEAH THAT’S RIGHT YOUR A FAG YOU CANT HAVE UNBORN CHILDREN…”

Wow, that was pretty vile. You’re among the top 10 dumbasses to visit our site. Nice work!

“what do you listed to? nigger music? ”

Do you listen to music played only by white people? Did you know Billy Preston, the keyboard player on Let it Be was actually…black!?! Oh no! Now you can’t listen to that album again. Did you know this band started off playing R&B, music written and performed by… black people?!?! Uh oh! They’ve covered songs by Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Blind Lemon Jefferson, Berry Gordy, Robert Blackwell, Big Joe Turner, The Miracles, Barret Strong….who were…it’s gonna break your racist little heart…

“its asshole like you who have to try to force their opinion on everyone that make this world blow dick”

We’re not forcing our opinion on anyone. You found the site, looked at the pictures, read the articles and listened to the audio clips – all by your little lonesome self. This is the exact opposite of the beatles, whose music is forced down your throat at every opportunity. If you decide to go away and never come back, which I hope you do, you run no danger of encountering us again.

If you care to read a little bit (I’m assuming you can read) and at least try to have a partially formed opinion about the beatles, or anything, you can start here:

http://suckmybeatles.com/about/

If you’d just prefer to run around like a snotty, illiterate little moron calling us fags, you ain’t the first buddy, and you’re not even particularly good at it:

Fan Mail #3 – Help! There’s a beatle in the Closet!

Take care Sam,
Your pal,
-Das

This angered poor Sam, and his response was unintelligible. We’re going to end it here, because just reading these messages has undoubtedly dropped your IQ significantly. If it falls too low you’ll end up in line behind Sam and John buying your copy of Paul McCartney’s latest, and we can’t have that on our conscience.

________________________________________________________

lennonpeace.jpgIt’s our responsibility what happens around the world. It’s our responsibility for Vietnam, and all the other wars that we don’t quite hear about. It’s all our responsibility,
and when we all want peace we’ll get it.
People have said we’re naive for trying to
sell peace like a car, or bar of soap.
But I ask ya, is the Ford company naive…
or the soap powder company?
They’re selling the same old soap that’s been around for two thousand years, but now it’s ‘New Blue Soap.’ Well, we’re selling ‘New Blue Peace!’ …and we hope some of you buy it!”

-John Lennon, 1969

Make your own dream.

That’s the Beatles’ story, isn’t it? That’s Yoko’s story, that’s what I’m saying now. Produce your own dream. If you want to save Peru, go save Peru. It’s quite possible to do anything, but not to put it on the leaders and the parking meters. Don’t expect Jimmy Carter or Ronald Reagan or John Lennon or Yoko Ono or Bob Dylan or Jesus Christ to come and do it for you. You have to do it yourself.

That’s what the great masters and mistresses have been saying ever since time began. They can point the way, leave signposts and little instructions in various books that are now called holy and worshipped for the cover of the book and not for what it says, but the instructions are all there for all to see, have always been and always will be.

There’s nothing new under the sun. All the roads lead to Rome. And people cannot provide it for you. I can’t wake you up. You can wake you up. I can’t cure you. You can cure you.

-John Lennon, 1980

You know, give peace a chance, not shoot people for peace. All we need is love. I believe it. It’s damn hard, but I absolutely believe it.

We’re not the first to say, ‘Imagine no countries’ or ‘Give Peace A Chance’, but we’re carrying that torch, like the Olympic torch, passing it from hand to hand, to each other, to each country, to each generation. That’s our job.

-John Lennon, 1980

Everybody’s talking about peace, but nobody does anything about it in a peaceful way.
It doesn’t help murderers to hang them, it doesn’t help violent people to be violent to them.
Violence begets violence.
You can’t kill off all the violent people or all the murderers or you’d have to kill off the government.

-John Lennon, 1969

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20 thoughts on “Fan Mail #5 – All you need is Love

  1. jp

    Zas,
    That’s not my picture..
    John

    One of the comments re:”nigger music” reminds me of when I usta play in groups in my brutal yute..The “workin’ class” bands would always do Soul covers..JB, Temps, etc. But the fucks were racists as well, and would talk about the “shines” (which is a not so good Chicago-speak term for afro americans)and how much they hated them..then go into the next song… Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag.

    Glad to see things have changed!

  2. Das Post author

    That’s just depressing.
    Sorry for the bummer post, I had a recent rash of ignorance and felt the need to share.

    Yes we can! (raise stupid children)

  3. Dr. Random

    In a way I’m wondering if people would take a bullet for the beatles. This round isn’t as funny as the past, though it’s still pretty illogical.

  4. Dr Faustroll

    How come you attract all the good writers? You should see some of the stuff I get.

    I wonder if the former First Idiot was hearing this in his head on the run up to the last election:

    So while you’re jerking off each other
    You better bear this thought in mind
    Your time is up you better know it
    But maybe you don’t read the signs

    Dr Faustrolls last blog post..Ohmigod! It’s time to do something drastic!

  5. jo13564

    I just want to say, bloody well done and keep up the good work. We need more like you. The Beatles have been are and always will be utter shite!

    Long live Hendrix!!

  6. Sam

    Hooray! There are people in the world with the balls to say that the Beatles were and still are overrated! I must say the ‘fan-mail’ made me laugh, I think that young man has some issues 😛

  7. Ifor Roberts

    Love the Beatles, love this site, you guys rule. Keep up the good work. And if you want to live somewhere where NOBODY likes the Beatles, come to North Wales 😀
    Genius!

  8. sludge lover

    strikes me that the beatles music is just a reflection of our society, Ie 99% stupid.

    good to see a different opinion on the tinterweb, how about more links to proper music. heres my tuppence worth

    for good misanthropic tunes go to the following links, these bands are what happens when you get a big bowl and mix up the following: poverty-swamps-blues-DIY punk-distortion- downtuning and copious amounts of drugs.

    you will not like it, your ears will want to disown you but if you give it a chance you will hear genius at work.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCPv8ZLTNtQ

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQkTQIN_5Fk&feature=related

    now tell me the beatles could play live?!

  9. Paw Bokenfohr

    You know what, quite a lot of the posts that you get here seem reminiscent of the emails and letters that the administrator of the Operation Clambake site gets (Operation Clambake is anti-Church of Scientology if anyone doesn’t know it). The posts are just gets *so* angry and violent and personal, like you’re attacking them physically or personally. It’s strange that they seem to loose the ability to be coherent and thoughtful about what they are writing.

    Perhaps The Beatles are a cult, like Scientology is?

  10. Norcs

    Just read the “responses” at the top of the page.

    I’d LOVE to meet these people, just to see how (I’m not gonna say retarded, cos I think that it’s an insult to those who are mentally slower, these idiots choose to be that ignorant) screwed up they really are!!

  11. Domogo

    Now how about you post some of the letters or e-mails that aren’t written buy total pricks eh?? or are those ones so bafflingly true that you can’t possibly come up with a good response? Anyone can write total strings of crap and i agree that these people are stupid but seriously you expect me to believe that every thing you get is just like that? oh and by the way in any real social place with a combined IQ of over 100 understands that if you can’t offer an understanding towards the other sides reasoning then your opinion is basically worthless

  12. Das Post author

    Hi Domogo, thanks for your comment.

    If you’re looking for a social place with a combined IQ of over 100 you’ve come to the wrong site.

    We have received a few well written emails written by educated and intelligent individuals. The problem with them is twofold:
    1. They are boring.
    2. 99% of the time these people are too cowardly to leave a proper email address so the well thought out, eloquent, painstakingly researched, and nearly crap-free responses bounce back. Unfortunately this cancels out any relevant points they may have had.

    -Das

  13. Norcs

    “oh and by the way in any real social place with a combined IQ of over 100 understands that if you can’t offer an understanding towards the other sides reasoning then your opinion is basically worthless”

    How does this make sense? Do social places have IQ’s?

  14. Steve Howerton

    This site is great!
    I love the Beatles….always have….and for awhile…I didnt get the reason this site even exsisted. I get it now…..and am laughing my ass off!
    Great job.
    Das….”youre gonna carry that weight”…
    HA!!
    Steve
    Beatlefan

  15. Steve

    You people r just dicks I mean come on this site is for losers I mean what kind of dumbass site is this u r talking about one of the greatest bands in the history of music! With 20 #1 hits and 5 #1 albums you can all burn in he’ll u dickless assholes and also

    LONG LIVE THE BEATLES

    P.S. Fuck Lady Gaga and that fucking Justin Beiber the kid sounds like an 8 year old gir for god sakes
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..Let it Be- Sailor =-.

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