suckmybeatles.com

Previously Unreleased Beatle Song Re-Unreleased

A new version of the song Revolution was recently unearthed, released, and instantly recalled again by the fine folks at beatlemart.

This version, aka: take 20, is thought to be the missing link which bridges the gap between Revolution 1, and Revolution 9. Revolution 2-8 is a full seven minutes longer than the unlistenable version on the White Album, and is considered to be the holy grail. (of versions of Revolution?)

Try not to confuse it with any other fab four ‘the holy grails’ like circus of light, which assuredly would have sent Indiana Jones into early retirement had the Nazis forced him to listen to it.

Lyrically and structurally the song is virtually identical to the released version, but contains a lot more wankery. No official reason has been given for retracting the release. Rumors ranging from the second coming of Christ to the Armageddon have been fluttering across 24 hour beatle news networks, fan fiction sites, and old age homes. We’ve managed to make contact with one of our agents on the inside and got the truth. It ain’t pretty, kids.

The truth is this song will literally kill you. The ultrasound frequencies added to this song during the final mix by Lennon/McCartney were intended to be a joke, similar to the whistle at the end of A Day in the Life, which was meant to irritate dogs. This time the joke went too far. Ultrasonic frequencies have great medical benefits with their ability to display soft tissue with the same technique SONAR uses to see the bottom of the ocean. Unfortunately, when ultrasonic frequencies are attuned to evil they can vibrate, heat, and finally dessicate soft tissue, and as we all know there is no softer tissue than in the brain of a beatle fan.

Although beatlemart has no problem with murder in theory, the reality is this; if they kill off their dwindling fan base just for fun, their bank accounts could very well dry up before scientists have discovered a cure for death. If this happens while they’re awaiting eternal life in their patented FF cryogenic chambers, it could spell disaster.

In the hands of these callous and careless jokesters, Revolution 2-8 became the death knell to many unsuspecting hippies. Take a look at this videotaped evidence confiscated by officials at the International John Lennon Liverpool Airport:

There’s also the small possibility of a second reason, don’t give it away when you can sell it. Let’s face, beatlemart ain’t in it for the love, unless it’s the love of moolah.

Stumble It!