Category Archives: -Inspired lunacy

All things inspired by the FF, warning – this gets ugly.

Thomas Re-writes the beatles

Brilliantly reinventing the music of the beatles

beatles guitar pedal

This site has been known to spend a lot of time portraying the beatles in a less than positive light. It pains us that this needs to be done, that everyday innocent people fall prey to the hype, conditioning and brainwashing which has created the beatle brand. Quite frankly, music is subjective and we don’t really care if there are those among us who wish to self-flagellate their senses with overrated, overplayed, corporate sponsored bubblegum rock, just leave us out of it.

What really drives us is the fight against the extreme musical fundamentalists this band produces, a group whose ideal is musical totalitarianism, a group which won’t stop until every book, record and movie not pertaining to or portraying their idols in a positive light has been destroyed and perpetrators are put to death by having brick walls toppled down on them.

Good music by the beatles, I don’t believe it!

This is why when we hear somebody breathe fresh life into the musical sarcophagus the fab four have left behind, somebody who can take a song and re-invent it so brilliantly that it leaves us astonished this is the same band we’ve spent so much time trying to put into perspective, it really makes us rethink our entire position.

Without further ado we’d like to introduce the musical mastermind Thomas, whose fresh take on the music of the beatles has shaken and inspired us. Please enjoy responsibly:

Click here to listen to the MP3

(This will open a streaming mp3 player. If for some reason it doesn’t work find Thomas’ songs on this page and use the Flashplayer instead.)

If this music makes you want to run out and buy the latest Let it Be remix, Re-un-naked with new spring fashions #13943, take your money and put it instead towards an independent, non-commercial radio station. I think we can all agree the beatles have enough money by now.

Let it Be, Sailor

Drink and the devil had done for the rest

We never thought anything could be done to make Let it Be listenable. Hailed by critics as a song that, “achieved a popularity well out of proportion to its artistic weight” and that it was “‘Hey Jude’, without the musical and emotional release,” it has haunted the airwaves ever since its unemotional release.

We hate to be negative about anything, and this cover has really changed our minds about this song. In fact, it’s the greatest Let it Be cover since The Long and Winding Roadrunner.
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Reason #471 – John MacLennon and Liverpool Two

We wish this was a joke. We really do.

Fab four fanatic transforms North Carolina home into Beatle shrine

fab four fanatic john maclennon

yahoo news logo

Wed Jan 6, 2008, 3:31 PM
By Jacob Winston Clemens
The Associated Press

RALEIGH, NC. – John MacLeon, a man who affectionately refers to himself as ‘MacLennon,’ is a habitually caffeinated Beatle fanatic who is taking care of business eight days a week at the antebellum home he calls “Liverpool Two.”

Knock on the door anytime. It’s OK to arrive at 4 in the morning, and the 75-year-old former dancer will escort you through his disconcerting, floor-to-ceiling collection of photos, records, figurines, cardboard cutouts, candy wrappers, clocks, lunchboxes and other random kitsch featuring the Mop Tops.

“I’d kill myself right now if it would bring them back,” MacLeon says in his odd Southern US meets Liverpool hybrid drawl, greying hair trimmed with a bowl, in the style of the early 60’s.

MacLeon says he rarely leaves Liverpool Two, rarely sleeps, and is powered by up to 24 cans of Beatle Cola a day (Beatle Cola was a short-lived Coca Cola product that MacLeon bought by the case in 1984 and has been drinking ever since). “When I run out I’ll just start on another Beatle drink, there’s Beatle Heinekin, Beatle Gatorade, Beatle Punch, and Beatle Pale Ale. I do happen to like the soda though.”
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Reason #982-Ship of Fools

Pictures yourself in a boat on the ocean, with a ship full of freaks wearing John Lennon ties.

Beatle Jaws

A beatle tribute cruise is preparing to set sail. The week long nautical nightmare leaves from Ft. Lauderdale Florida in March, sails the western Caribbean, visiting Belize, Costa Maya and Cozumel. This could have been a beautiful trip, but for some reason they’ve decided to turn this pleasure cruise into a floating insane asylum. We fear for the sanity of any pirates foolhardy enough to board this craft in search of booty, the best they could hope for is a handful of novelty can openers and a sharp blade to remove their ears before madness sets in.

If you’re wondering how anybody could be masochistic enough to not only to subject themselves to a bizarre and degrading form of torture, but also to pay $1200 per person (plus $297 for tickets to the special beatle events), you must not be familiar with the average beatle fan. Highlights of the ‘beatle cruise’ include some very impressive specials guests: three beatle photographers, two beatle authors, a beatle painter, a guy who does something called ‘beatle brunch’ and a tribute band.

We could go on to further discuss the atrocities which will no doubt begin moments after the vessel enters international waters, but instead we’d like to leave you with an actual quote from the official Beatles Tribute Cruise website. These words say more than a thousand pictures. Remember, this is meant to encourage you to go on the cruise, not to make your eyeballs bleed or your brain shudder.

Do you want to know a secret? Your mother should know you won’t see me because I’ll get back to follow the sun after I’m back in the USSR because Doctor Robert’s fixing a hole where the rain gets in. So hold me tight. With a little help from my friends I’ll call your name because I want to tell you this boy should have known better if I fell for Penny Lane on a magical mystery tour. Thank you girl, I hope we can work it out when I’m 64.
Your friend,
I am..
The Walrus
P.S. I Love You.

If this doesn’t convince you to make reservations today don’t put away that credit card, there’s also a Rick Springfield cruise and an Elvis Cruise. Hopefully there’s also be a Heaven’s Gate cruise in the works for all those who can’t get tickets in time.

For more info:

http://www.beatlestributecruise.com/index.html
http://www.tbnweekly.com/editorial/local_entertainment/concerts/content_articles/122209_leconcert-03.txt

Reason # 523 – Tina Turner and Cher

Help me if you can, I’m feeling nauseous.

I’m unsure where, or why. All I know for sure is that in 1975 Cher teamed up with Tina Turner and what seems to be a young Dame Edna to produce a nightmarish rainbow clad beatle medley monstrosity, guaranteed to scar and terrify the entire family.


Warning – Don’t Watch!
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Sgt Peppers Lonely Bumba Band

In 1976, Bob Marley was scheduled to play a free concert in Kingston, called Smile Jamaica. He received death threats warning him not to play this highly political event. In the weeks leading up to the concert his home was placed under 24 hour guard.

Two days before the concert a carload of gunmen burst through the conveniently unguarded gates, shot Marley’s wife Rita in the head and shot his manager Don Taylor several times. Miraculously, Marley was only grazed in the arm and chest. He played the gig anyway. Immediately afterward fled his home, spending 14 months in exile.


Also in 1976: The beatles turned down 230 million dollars to play a charity event, and Oblidi Oblida was released as a single.
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Reason #387 – I Hate the beatles

This is an original song inspired by the music of the FF. It’s a perfect tribute which takes the skiffled, nursery rhyme pop songs that toddlers can sing along to…and makes it better.
It was performed live on the Dean Martin Show in 1965 with Allan Sherman and Vic Damone. Free from Jerry Lewis, Martin first integrated Las Vegas with the Rat Pack before deciding it was time to croon it like it is, denouncing the beatles in their heydey for the weasels they were.
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An honest portrayal of the beatles.

Leave it to the brilliant mind of John C. Reilly to have the guts to finally portray the FF honestly in film. Jack Black channels his role as the hideous Paul McCartney so ferociously that in a perfect world he would have been shortlisted for an Oscar. Unfortunately this fearless film refuses to cower and toe the beatlemart line, and as a result its been ignored and browbeaten into the delete bin by troglodyte fans of theFF.
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Reason # 513 – The Long and Winding Breau

On April 2, 1968, a young guitarist was invited to sit down and record his first major label solo album in Nashville. This was no ordinary guitarist, this young man began to learn the instrument as soon as he was old enough to hold it, started touring with his fathers country band before age 12, recorded an album of Chet Atkins and Merle Travis songs at age 14. When he was 16 he was invited on stage by Merle Travis himself, who after being upstaged was so impressed by the kid’s musicianship took off his hat and remarked to the crowd, ‘Well folks, tonight there’s a better guitarist in the house than me.’ He went on to master flamenco, jazz and create his own complex and unique style, unequaled to this day.

Occasionally we get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of FF saturation in the world today. When this happens we like to grab an album as far from the banality of mainstream reality as we can get. Luckily, with our music collection it isn’t hard. Straddling the gamut from great lyricists, songwriters, and brilliant musicians to the most hideous outsider crap we’ve been able to acquire, there’s always something worth listening to.

This session was organized by none other than the legendary Chet Atkins, Mister Guitar himself. Upon hearing a tape of this aspiring, unknown player, Chet proclaimed Lenny Breau to be, ‘The Greatest guitarist ever to walk the face of the earth.’ Thats no small praise. For the sessions Chet brought in a successful co-producer named Danny Davis whose previous work helped polish country artists and bring them to a more mainstream, pop audience. Davis made it his goal to commercialize the album in order to get disc jockeys more interested in playing it. As much as he tried to dumb down the music so the beatle-brained public wouldn’t have a seizure upon hearing an original idea, Lenny was not to be tampered with. His mind and playing too free to be confined to the rigid structures of conventional pop.

There’s a lot more truth in a horrible singer playing an out of tune guitar while croaking out inscrutable lyrics than there is in a corporate reach-around. Hell, at least its interesting. Think about whats easier to relate to, four millionaires solving crimes in a Yellow Submarine while singing about love, an acid casualty singing about becoming a vegetable, or Congresswoman Matilda Parker singing about mosquitoes and the dangers of malaria?

Although Lenny disliked rock music and held great disdain for the entire genre, at Davis’s insistence, and not wanting to disappoint his idol and mentor Atkins, he was persuaded to record some popular tunes during the two recording sessions, alongside of his original idea of laying down several originals, and his jazz, country, bebop, flamenco and classical takes on some jazz and country standards.
Several months later when the album was finally released Lenny was shocked to find that so many of the tunes were left off in favour of the more commercial, radio friendly numbers like King of the Road, Monday Monday, and inexplicably, A Hard Days Night. Even so, the flashes of brilliance overshadowed their inclusion.

It was during one of these moments that I grabbed ‘Guitar Sounds’ from the collection and popped it on. As the inspired playing started to slowly melt away the revolting memory of being subjected, against my will and beyond my control, to hearing almost the full Abbey Road album. My stomach began to unclench, my hands began to stop trembling. I was going to make it. Until suddenly…

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The album received great critical acclaim, but not even the inclusion of an FF tune could breach the barriers of bad taste built by the beatlemania brigade, and sales were minimal. Nobody cared. A few months later Atkins arranged for another recording, this time in Lenny’s comfort zone; a club in front of an audience of his peers. The choice of material was completely his choice. The result, The Velvet Touch of Lenny Breau…Live!, has been called one of the most important jazz guitar albums ever recorded.

Lenny Breau led a short and tragic life, and although he released many incredible and unprecedented albums, he died penniless and virtually unknown, like most great artists. Conversely, Hootie and the Blowfish and REO Speedwagon both had huge hits covering the beatles. Lenny’s albums are mostly out of print now, while Magical Mystery Tour is still gets pumped out like a clogged toilet.

Anyway, I can’t leave you with that horrid song as the last thing ringing in your head, here’s Lenny playing The Claw by Jerry Reed, from …Live!

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This is a clip from the documentary ‘The Genius of Lenny Breau.’ It was filmed during the recording of his first album.

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Reason # 395 – Lullaby of Beatleland

Just when you think you’ve got the answers, I change the questions..
– Rowdy Roddy Piper.

A fitting quote. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, here comes beatle Lullabys. I’m not sure who the intended audience is for this one, my guess its one of two people:

A) The fan who never gets bored of listening to Revolver and ends up staying awake all night basking in beatle blather, working themselves into such a frenzy at the sound of forty year old pop songs that they’re constantly late for work, showing up in their moptop wigs and drooling in a semi-catatonic, FF induced state of delirium. In other words, the average fan in need of a sleep aid.

B) Infants who can’t defend themselves.

I’m hoping the correct answer is A, if not there’s a new form of child abuse on the market just as dangerous as the epidemic of fat diabetic kids in America. This is no different than conditioning children to think that its a good idea to strap bombs to themselves or training them to become child soldiers. Maybe not quite as extreme, but its exactly the same method used.

Conditioning these young minds from infancy that this is not only music, but good music, is basically taking away any freedom of thought these poor kids are entitled to as human beings, programming them to believe that the only option in life is to stand in line with all the other open mouthed gawkers at the trough of the beatles, waiting for the honour of buying the next re-release. This is Burgess’s Ludovico Technique, this is Orwell’s Newspeak, its unspeakable and disgusting abuse of trust and power. I’d rather have my toddler not only breathe second-hand smoke, but smoke two packs a day!

Anyway, we’re always good for an example:

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Reason #302- Cirque du So Lame

Viva Las Vegas! Step aside Celine Dion, there’s a new freakshow in town.
Cirque Du Soleil, the acrobatic dancing troupe who’ve conquered the world with their unique blend of breathtaking aerial performances, lavish costumes and live music have decided to take it to a new level. Thats right, the $600 million they grossed last year from their shows, combined with the development of TV specials, womens clothing lines, spas and restaurants, just ain’t cutting it.

When you’re a huge entertainment empire and you need some fast cash, just utter the magic word and before you can wiggle your tinsel glittered tootsies the beatlemachine will be there to assist you, for a small fee of course.
The new show is themed around George Martin’s latest offering of refried beatle droppings created specifically for this end, LOVE.

Drawn from the poetry of the lyrics, the show explores the content of the songs as interpreted by innovative performances from a cast of 60 international artists. It must have been a big job trying to explore the deeper meaning behind songs like, I Wanna Hold Your Hand and Octopus’s Garden.

The reviews for this spectacle have been mixed, it seems to depend on either how brainwashed your are, or what your tolerance for pain is. Most of the positive reviews seem to start like this, ‘First, I need to make it clear that I’m a Beatles fan.’ NO, REALLY? The rest of the reviews all use words like, Awful, Terrible, Extremely Disappointed, Didn’t Love, Save your money, Wost show in Vegas, and my personal favorite, As Uninspiring as A Ringo Song.

Remember when kids used to want to run away and join the circus? This ought to cure them of the urge.
I hope this what they meant by what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Morbid curiosity must be eating away at you right now, so here is a sample. Just please be careful and have your mouse hovering over the stop button, we can’t be held responsible for what happens once you decide to watch.

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Reason # 373 – beatle spunk

Thats right, The The Punkles are a German band that play punk versions of beatles songs in the style of the Ramones. I may alienate myself from the community by admitting this, but I kind of like this band, or maybe I should say their versions aren’t as nausea inducing as the originals. I only wish they’d been able to find some better material to perform. I can understand wanting to plug-in to the FF cash machine, but show some damn respect to the Ramones!

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Reason # 318 – A “Duh” in the Life

In 1977 Rolling Stone Magazine, for its 10th anniversary, crapped out one of the most catastrophic turds ever to be disguised as a TV special in the history of the medium, A Day in the Decade.

You can pinpoint this as the exact moment those fine purveyors of pop culture finally crossed the line, and in fact left any semblance of a line so far in the past that it must be morbid curiosity that keeps this disaster full of Gap ads on the shelves today. That, or the fact that it’s the hippest monthly tabloid fanzine.

Presented here in all its glory is a 15 minute tribute to the beatles that rivals that other great beatles tribute in 1977, The beatles Forever.

Hosted by Ted Neeley, aka: Jesus Christ Superstar, the cast is a fascinating look at who couldn’t get work that year. It opens with a fascinating version of ‘A Day in the Life,’ complete with a re-enactment by Ted of waking up, getting out of bed, sliding down a stripper pole and landing in a neon submarine ( I don’t remember that part of the song).

Don’t worry, its all uphill from this point. There’s mutant strawberry-like creatures groveling before a fake Yogi, a ‘Helter Skelter’ dance number based around some kind of armageddon scenario, Patti Labelle singing ‘Polythene Pam’ from a giant spiderweb, a soulful version of ‘Give Peace a Chance’ sung from the deck of the neon submarine while surrounded by spasmatic Oompa-Loompa looking freaks, a Fake Nixon singing ‘Back in the USSR’ and ‘I’m a Loser’, a Rocky Horror Picture Show version of Birthday, and so much more!

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Reason # 370 – The Beatnix, Twist and Puke

This is really incredible. Its hard to turn away, even though you know what you’re seeing will instantly turn your stomach. I’ve made several emergency trips to the bathroom since making this grisly discovery, and once again I apologize in advance and beg you not to watch or listen to it.

One of the only songs ever to rival the beatles total saturation of the airwaves is Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven, also known as the DJ has gone out for a smoke or to take a dump. DJ’s love this song. Its not quite as advantageous as In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, which would allow them to run to the all-you-can-eat buffet down on the corner, throw up in a dumpster, and still make it back for a nap before the song ends.

The Beatnix are an Australian beatles tribute band who have combined the worst of both worlds, a beatles medley with Led Zeppelin lyrics. Apparently they are one of the longest running beatle tribute bands out there. Thats quite an impressive achievement, akin to being employee of the month at McDonald’s.

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Reason # 347 – I Wanna Hold Your Wing

There’s been a lot of versions recorded of this song since its initial release in 1963, when it was unleashed on America to drive a spasmodic public spasmadic.

Once again in our quest to bring you the best of the best we present the world renown Wing, a fine singer from New Zealand who’s soaring vocals won her international acclaim and a coveted engagement on the show South Park, which can be seen here in its entirety.

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Reason # 392 – The long and winding Roadrunner

The Long and Winding Road was the last number one hit for the beatles in the US, it came from their final album Let It Be. Well, lets just say we wish it was their final album.
This was recorded during the beatles short-lived, lets go back to our roots and stop all this silly studio production phase. The album was originally going to be called Get Back, and they were going to play everything as a stripped down combo like in the olden days.

As you can probably guess, without the studio production the beatles would have been the laughing stocks of the music industry. It took Phil Spector and an arsenal of eighteen violins, four violas, four cellos, three trumpets, three trombones, two guitars, a choir of 14 women, a team of engineers, even special conductors and arrangers to make A long and Winding Road listenable. And thats only one song!

If you think I’m exaggerating, take a quick listen to some live off the floor recordings for yourself.
Make it brief if you value your sanity, and try not to think about the claims that this is the greatest band of all time.

Get back:

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The Long and Winding Road

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Aside from the idiotic nature of this idea from the onset, they also decided to film themselves in the studio and make a documentary out of it, the cleverly named Let It Be. Not to be confused with Let it Be (the album), Let It Be Video Multimedia Collection, Let It Be…Naked, Let It Be Backpack, Let it be book, Let It Be tablature, Let It Be keys, Let It Be tees, and of course who could forget Let It Be cheese .

Some of the highlights include George Harrison storming out of a recording session in disgust and John Lennon constantly mocking McCartney. Harrison felt such pain knowing this film even existed he successfully had it taken out of print in ’81, stipulating it was not be released again until after his death. Thats a good way to deal with your issues, we can all take something from this example. If you ever find yourself at gunpoint in a dark alley, just close your eyes and it will all disappear.

On the positive side, The Long and winding Road is my favorite beatles song. Not because its good, or because I like it, but because when the FF finally broke up one of the six reasons Paul gave for wanting to dissolve the band was what Phil Spector did to try and rescue this song.

Although its been covered by hundreds of artists over the years, the definitive version was recorded by The Roadrunner, with some help from his friend Wile E Coyote (uncredited due to contract negotiations).
Just listen to the passion and urgency brought to this groundbreaking work:

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bugs-and-friends.jpg

Quick, grab your copy before they’re all gone! Don’t miss a golden opportunity to throw more of your money onto this steaming pile of brilliance.
Bugs and Friends Sing the Beatles

Reason # 321 – Bollyweatles

I should say, Bollywood Beatles.
Its been said a copy can never be as good as the original. I believe that to be true, and this is the exception that proves the rule.
I’m not sure the subtitles are accurate, if they are this mystery group has vastly improved the original as it makes a lot more sense this way.

I want to hold your hand (sort of):

Look, no one knows yet,

My heart loves you.

Look, no one knows yet,

My heart loves you.

We also create false promises,

My heart loves you.

Look, no one knows yet,

My heart loves you.

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Reason #800% – The Beatles Compressed

I’m sure you’ve heard about the entire UK cataloge of the beatles being compressed into one hour by Steve McLaughlin.
You’re probably waiting for a derogatory comment about this useless endeavor, but here at SMB, we support it!

If they were to play all their songs on the air compressed at 800%, there would be a fair chance something else might slip into the average classic rock stations playlist, or at the very least the torture would be over quickly.

In all honestly, it would still be filled with ads for the next ridiculous remix, followed by the Led Zeppelin clone of the week.

I don’t know what kind of brain dead sycophant could listen to this for an entire hour, let alone edit it. God help us!

If you do happen to be a brain dead beatle sycophant, listen up. I have a huge treat. No, its not a link to this testament to a wasted life, its 800% better:

The Complete Exotic Beatles Vol 2 compressed into two minutes!

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exotic_.jpg

I know how its hard to fit in time to listen to superb beatle covers, especially since the White Album is duct taped to your turntable. Here’s your chance to hear MORE bEATLES while not even listening to the beatles!

Perfect for trips to the bathroom, the bedroom, getting the laundry. Just pop it in your iPod and its FF time, oh yeah!

Reason # 391 – Sing it Children

There are some pretty amazing covers on this album, but in my opinion nothing comes as close to perfection as this incredible cover of Sgt Pepper. There’s not much add here, I think the music speaks for itself.

bill-cosby.jpg

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Bill Cosby Sings Hooray for the Salvation Army Band!


I discovered this album on the great Music For Maniacs Blog.

Reason #390 – The beatle Barkers!

This is perhaps the most talented group ever to cover a song by the FF.

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Not only does the dog capture the subtle nuances of Paul’s vocals, the counterpoint between the chicken and the sheep is breathtaking. Can you imagine how long it took all those animals to sing together like that? The original pales in comparison on so many levels, I just can’t say enough about it.

It doesn’t stop here folks, these inspired animals recorded at least one entire album, the first entitled Woofers and Tweeters.

barkers.jpg

The beatle Barkers on Amazon

The beatle Barkers on Ebay. Money well spent!

The beatle Barkers at WFMU

Reason # 389 – The beatles forever – Various artists

This is a wonderful example of the beatles influence on modern culture, we have artists from different generations and different genres teaming up to pay homage to the FF. In 1977 ABC aired a beatles television special called beatles Forever! The all star cast consists of Tony Randall, Bernadette Peters, Diane Carroll, and Paul Williams. Also involved were Anthony Newley, Mel Tillis, and inscrutably Ray Charles.

This nine minute opus entitled ‘beatles Medley‘ should serve to horrify you even more than actually witnessing the event, the images it puts into your head cannot be unseen.
For anyone unfortunate enough to happen upon this page, I apologize. I’m warning you in advance not to listen. I tried to find the least offensive song, but in the end I closed my eyes and pointed to this.

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The entire album can be found on WFMU’s great site, here is a direct link:

http://wfmu.org/onthedownload.php/album/1765

The full track listing is pretty impressive, the Chinese water torture has nothing on the results this could garner.

1. “INTRODUCTION BEATLES MEDLEY” by Tony Randall, Bernadette Peters, Anthony Newley, Dianne Carroll, Mel Tillis, and Paul Williams

2. “BEATLES MEDLEY” by Tony Randall, Bernadette Peters, Dianne Carroll, and Paul Williams

3. “YESTERDAY” by Ray Charles

4. “ELEANOR RIGBY” by Anthony Dowell with The ABC Television Orchestra & Chorus

5. “WITHIN YOU WITHOUT YOU” by Anthony Newley

6. “IN MY LIFE, HERE THERE AND EVERYWHERE” by Dianne Carroll

7. “BEATLES MEDLEY” by Ray Charles, Tony Randall, Bernadette Peters, Anthony Newley, Dianne Carroll, Mel Tillis, and Paul Williams.

8. “CLOSING” by Tony Randall