Category Archives: -Music and related offenses

The music of the FF

The Beatles Suck For Sale

Believe it or not, Beatles for sale is still for sale


The Beatles Suck

The Beatles For Sale, aka: beatles IV, aka: beatles ’65, found the FF at their burnt out, resentful and cynical best at what might be called ‘the ass end of beatlemania.’ Herded back into the studio with a diamond encrusted cattle prod a mere six days after finishing A Hard Days Night, and reeling from being reamed repeatedly by beatlemart, this Jerry-rigged collection of c-side material is a good example of what can happen when a band is transformed into an ATM machine.

Composed primarily of filler and cover songs, even the FF themselves were somewhat shocked at how low they had sunk. If only they could have known this was merely the beginning! McCartney describe his song “What You’re Doing” as “a bit of filler…. Maybe it’s a better recording than it is a song…” and Lennon later admitted, “Eight Days A Week was never a good song. We struggled to record it and struggled to make it into a song. It was his (Paul’s) initial effort, but I think we both worked on it. I’m not sure. But it was lousy anyway.” Once again, we can’t help but agree with the bespectacled one.

This album is also groundbreaking for containing one of the worst cover songs ever recorded, the nausea inducing Mr. Moonlight. As a whole, this slipshod concoction was so awful that Paul McCartney himself decided not to stamp his feet and hold his breath until the songwriting credits were changed from “Lennon/McCartney” to “McCartney/Lennon” the way he has on other albums.

We realize it’s hard to categorize any specific album by the moptops as bad when faced with the horrific results the rest of their putrescent output has generated. For this reason we’d like to invite beatle fans use this record as inspiration to avoid the entire beatle catalog.

Please think of yourself, good people.

Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism’s in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, “I don’t believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.” Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I’d still have to bum rides off people.

-Ferris Beuller

Yellow Suckmarine

What’s short, goofy, and full of semen?

Yellow Submarine

Robert Zemekis has announced plans to resurrect the botched abortion known as Yellow Submarine, promising a brand new, computer animated 3D eyesore. If you remember, after the abominable movie HELP! was unleashed on the public, it was followed by the putrid Magical Mystery Tour, which received incredibly warm reviews, such as this one by the Guardian:

“a kind of fantasy morality play about the grossness and warmth and stupidity of the audience”.

The beatles themselves wanted no part in creating another disastrous cinematic offense. The idea of being involved with this lame new project sounded even less appealing to them than their music does to a normal human being. Unfortunately for all of us, United Artists still had the Fab ones firmly by their pink submarines, and ultimately they had little choice but to step aside and allow another brightly coloured turd to be dropped into the septic tank of beatlemania.

The resulting film was an aimless plot revolving around music written to torture children while assaulting you with spastic, gaudy animation. It has since captured the hearts and minds(?) of deluded fans across the globe…what a surprise.

Due to the bewildering success of the beatles Rock Band game, beatlemart has decided to up the ante again. No longer satisfied with merely repackaging and re-releasing the same albums and DVDs three to four times a year while merchandising their likeness on everything from bath toys to geriatric diapers, they’ve decided to not only dig up and re-release this abysmal celluloid black hole but to remake it as a capture animation Disney movie.

The fans are up in arms; disgusted and appalled that anyone would dare to mess with this masterpiece. They are sure to voice their complaints by lining up overnight for tickets, which will be viciously torn in half…by the ticket taker. The stubs will be violently… sealed in plastic and stored haphazardly beside collectibles which hold the lowest place of honour in their MopTop shrines, the Ringo Starr toilet brush and the McCartney radium based wart remover.

Paul McCartney Wart Remover

Reason #21 – Sgt Peppers is a Load of Crap

Sgt Pepper Album Cover

In 1967 The beatles released Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. It was instantly hailed as a musical milestone. We have no choice but to agree. Just as the Edsel was a milestone for cars, Betamax was a milestone for home video, Enron was a milestone for corporate investment and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial was a milestone for video games, so was Sgt Peppers a milestone for music. Unfortunately for us, the beatles didn’t have the foresight to crush and bury this disaster in a New Mexico landfill like the creators of ET did with their abomination.
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Reason #7005 Update

Rubber Sole

Rubber Sole

After months of outrage, panic, and disillusionment we’ve finally managed to track down and relink the missing videos and sound clips on the world renown article ‘Reason #7005 – Flabby Soul.’ We hope this will bring some measure of comfort to our adoring public.

Please visit, and enjoy responsibly:
Reason #7005 Flabby Soul

Beatles cover band destroys town

Breaking news!

Sometime last year an unknown ‘the beatles’ cover band descended upon a small town in southern Ontario, Canada. The horrific events were captured by the local news station, but seconds before the devastation could be broadcast, the station was demolished, survivors were burned to death.

All taped evidence was quickly disposed of by beatlemart. The town of Liverpool, Ontario, does not even exist on maps anymore. This is one of the worst cases of beaticide on record, yet until now it has gone unnoticed.

Somehow this tape has survived and managed reach us. Please view responsibly, and remember our fallen comrades.
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Previously Unreleased Beatle Song Re-Unreleased

A new version of the song Revolution was recently unearthed, released, and instantly recalled again by the fine folks at beatlemart.

This version, aka: take 20, is thought to be the missing link which bridges the gap between Revolution 1, and Revolution 9. Revolution 2-8 is a full seven minutes longer than the unlistenable version on the White Album, and is considered to be the holy grail. (of versions of Revolution?)

Try not to confuse it with any other fab four ‘the holy grails’ like circus of light, which assuredly would have sent Indiana Jones into early retirement had the Nazis forced him to listen to it.

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Reason # 517 – The Beatles Carnival of Light is Incredible.

Apologies to all of our colleagues, fans and supporters.
We’re eating crow.
The new beatles epic ‘Carnival of Light’ is probably the greatest piece of music ever written.

If you haven’t heard, this is a 14 minute improvised track recorded in 1967. Immediately after it was recorded, it was buried. Many thought the song nothing more than a myth. The FF thought it too adventurous. It would hurt record sales. Whats worse, is it would offend their fans – the screaming pre-teens who spent their allowances on each new single. If this happened, they could snap out of their brainwashed stupor and buy Play-doh, mood rings or Slinkeys. There would be no more tea with the Queen.

Paul is convinced that this composition will show the world that they were much more avant-garde than given credit for. More than purveyors of a musical black hole, which we gave them credit for. “I said all I want you to do is just wander around all the stuff, bang it, shout, play it, it doesn’t need to make any sense,” said McCartney of the sessions. “I like it because it’s The Beatles free, going off piste.” (for those who don’t know this expression, it refers to skiing on an un-groomed slope. Quite adventurous!)

The other beatles were equally as excited about this piece and found it hard to contain their enthusiasm, years later they still marveled at its brilliance. When assembling the tracks for Anthology, McCartney wanted to include “Carnival of Light,” but said the other two Beatles thought it was “rubbish.”

Sir George Martin who oversaw the track has described it as ‘one of those weird things. “This is ridiculous. We’ve got to get our teeth into something a little more constructive,” Martin told Geoff Emerick during the recording session.

George Harrison dismissed it, saying “avant-garde a clue“. Twenty years later, when reminded of the sounds on the tape and asked whether he could recall recording it, he replied “No, and it sounds like I don’t want to either!

Ringo was too busy threatening fans with autographed memorabilia to comment.

Beatles fans came close to hearing ‘Carnival Of Light’ in 1996 when it was considered for inclusion in the exhaustive Anthology compilation. “I said it would be great to put this on because it would show we were working with really avant-garde stuff … But it was vetoed.” Reminisced McCartney. “The guys didn’t like the idea, like “this is rubbish.”

Unfortunately for the world this track will never officially see the light of day. At least not until beatlemart needs a new winter home in Puerta Plata. To be released McCartney needs the blessing of Ringo Starr, Yoko Ono and George Harrison’s widow Olivia.

Thankfully we have a copy, and our lucky readers are for a treat.
Here, for the first time ever, is the first three minutes of Carnival of Light. To prepare yourself, please constrain your excitement and remember: this is serious music, not some go-go boots giggle-a-thon.
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Reason # 561 – The Beatles, Hanging Tough

You say you want a boy band revolution?

The FF are usually thought of as one of the defining bands in rock. A pioneering group which broke boundaries, bent the rules, and changed the face of popular music to become the greatest band in history. This is true in a sense; they were the first boy band. This honor is usually bestowed on the Monkees, but the truth is the Monkees weren’t the first, only the most blatant.

Take a look at some of the characteristics of a boy band.
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Reason # 7005 – Flabby Soul

Occasionally you’ll hear the fab-blind discuss how soulful various songs and albums were.

Usually we just laugh to ourselves when we hear the word beatle and the word soulful in the same sentence, unless the sentence is, ‘The beatle were soulful of crap it was coming out of their mouths!’ We decided to find out exactly what sounds people are mistaking for soul. We came up empty handed.

Our first stop was Fab4Fan’s infamous Rankopedia to see what the consensus is for the most soulful beatles songs. Incredibly, there is no such category. The closest we found was ‘which beatle fan has the brownest nose and emptiest wallet.’ So a few weeks ago we created our own poll, Most Soulful Beatle Songs. Ten thousand opinionated members, and we only got two votes, not a good sign. Searches elsewhere turned up little more than slanted reviews with the word soulful getting battered like a piece of tempura. We’re left to our own devices to get to the bottom of this one.

The problem now becomes, how do you judge soul? Just to clarify, we’re talking about soulful music as opposed to soul music. There doesn’t seem to be any working soul-o-meters these days, they all disappeared with STAX. Lets define it first, and work from there. We can all agree that a fair definition of soulful music is music that is passionately sung and performed, full of both feeling and expression.

Now we need to identify a fair starting point, a point of reference to level the playing field. You can’t just listen to an FF song and decide, ‘yup – thats pretty soulful, way more than Yellow Submarine.’ The only way to do this fairly is to compare two performances of the same song, then we can begin to gauge who’s got the soul going on.

Lets get to it.
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Reason #742 – Rare Outtake Video Surfaces

Our next installment of rare outtakes designed to showcase the beatles technical prowess in the studio is a double treat. Please remain seated, if you pass out from the excitement of this moment its best to stay safe.

Here we have not only takes four and five from the I’m a Loser session, but also a rare video chronicling the event! Yes, for the first time in the history of mankind this groundbreaking video will finally be seen. Once again SMB has come through with the FF goods, you can thank us later.

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Reason # 741 – Help! I need some practice!

In our quest to bring you the only the very best of the beatles, we’ve developed a new method of displaying the technical achievements of the band for all the world to enjoy. Have you ever wished you could have been a fly on the wall during some of those recording sessions? Well thanks to us you can! For the first time in the history of mankind we proudly present the first 12 takes of Help! edited down to the most interesting sections for your listening displeasure. Look for many more interesting collections in the future.

Help! Was written by John Lennon in 1965 while he was undergoing some personal and professional crisis, brought on by the fame of the beatles and his problems with becoming part of the establishment and growing increasingly overwhelmed with his celebrity. It was a cry for help that went unheeded as the beatlemachine hammered the beatles into the studio to record the soundtrack for their second film. John was completely disenchanted with how they had allowed themselves to be sold out, polished up, spit-shined and marketed as teen idols.

In other words:

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Help! Went on to be a huge hit as the world ignored his plea and listened to the pretty singing.

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Notice how George’s guitar part mysteriously disappears until the last few takes, its almost as though somebody locked him in a broom closet and wouldn’t let him out until he could sort of play it. Sound to me like George Martin could have used some help as well, or at least a few session musicians.

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Reason # 879 – Here comes the Moon

JG Thirlwell, the mastermind behind Foetus, once sang:

Complainin bout ma campaign against personal decency
I got no excuses
Just rules wrapped in barbed wire, laced with busted glass
(Yeah, I’m the one who gave the sandwich to Mama Cass)

Pretty ironic for a fat lady to choke on a ham sandwich, its given food to satirists for years.

Unfortunately, its not true. Mama Cass Elliot, of Mamas and the Papas fame, died after two sold-out performances at the London Palladium to standing ovations. When she retired to her flat at No.12 at 9 Curzon Place, she suffered heart failure and passed away in her sleep. There was a partially eaten ham sandwich found in her room, which led to the misconception.

It makes you wonder how such a straight story turned into a joke at the expense of the memory of this performer. Even after the coroner declared her death the result of natural causes, and an official report was issued, the legend continued to propagate. Its almost as if somebody was trying to distract the public from a bigger story.

Lets take a look at some random facts.

This wasn’t the only strange incident to occur at flat No.12 at 9 Curzon Place. A little over four years later Keith Moon died in the same room, on the anniversary of Buddy Holly’s death. On Sept 7, 1978 Keith Moon was invited to be Paul McCartney’s guest for the film premiere of The Buddy Holly Story, and after the movie they went to a dinner party. Afterwards he retired to the flat and overdosed on Clomethiazole, a medication taken as part of a program to wean him off alcohol. Thirty-two undissolved pills were found in his stomach.

This unlucky flat was owned by Henry Nilsson, a personal friend of John Lennon. The flat was in close proximity to Apple headquarters and was decorated by a design company owned by Ringo Starr. Keith Moon gave Ringo’s son, Zak, his first professional drum kit. Zak idolized Moon’s playing, and against his fathers wished became a drummer. Later he went on to work on some albums produced by John Entwistle, and finally replace Moon as The Who’s drummer.

According to Pete Townshend, “Keith used to be a kind of musical godfather to him. He gave him his first drum kit, which I think is rather strange. Ringo may have actually given him his first drum kit, but I think Keith gave him the first drum kit that he really wanted. It had nude women on it.”

Nilsson also starred with Moon in a rock’n’roll horror film called ‘Son of Dracula.’ Its known as one of the worst horror-comedy-rock movies ever made, and was produced by Ringo Starr. Ironically, it also starred another ill-fated powerhouse drummer, John Bonham.

Its an odd collection of facts when placed together, and to be completely out of character we aren’t going to draw any conclusions. The mysterious hand of the FF is everywhere, and nowhere.

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To learn more about Foetus:
Link to the official site

Reason # 789 – While My Guitar Hero Gently Weeps

Have you ever wondered why beatlemart hasn’t jumped on the Guitar Hero bandwagon yet? Pretty strange considering it involves money going directly into their pockets. Its not as if they haven’t been asked either, the masses are practically down on their hands and knees begging for a song to play along with. Yet for some reason, they keep turning down this easy money…something strange is afoot, and we have the answer.

The powers that be realize that the shrine to George Harrison is built on a very flimsy foundation, the illusion that he was a great guitarist. He may very well have been the best guitarist in the beatles, but his reign as master ends there. We’ll agree he was a capable guitar player, but lets face it: most of his parts were simply paint-by-number embellishments. The beatlemachine knows this, and they want it kept secret. How many books of guitar tablature do you think they’d sell if a three year old laughed at how easy the songs are to play? Besides, the three year olds will most likely despise this music after being forced to listen beatle lullabys.

If you’re having trouble wrapping your head around this, here is a simple test that you can do yourself.

    The Guitar Hero Challenge:

1. Choose any FF song with what you consider great guitar work. Better yet, pick three or even five of your favorites.

2. Select a song at random from the list below, this is the songlist for Guitar Hero I. (Guitar Hero II will also work)

3. Compare the two songs, and judge them on the merits of the guitar playing alone. Take into consideration technical ability, speed, originality, melody, technique, or even bitchin’ tone.

Motorhead – “Ace of Spades”
Ozzie Osbourne – “Bark at the Moon”
Audioslave – “Cochise”
Pantera – “Cowboys From Hell”
Cream – “Crossroads”
Sum 41 – “Fat Lip”
Edgar Winter Group – “Frankenstein”
Blue Oyster Cult – “Godzilla”
Burning Brides – “Heart Full of Black”
The Exies – “Hey You”
Red Hot Chili Peppers – “Higher Ground”
Joann Jett – “I Love Rock and Roll”
The Ramones – “I Wanna Be Sedated”
Bad Religion – “Infected”
Black Sabbath – “Iron Man”
Queen – “Killer Queen”
Boston – “More Than A Feeling”
Queens of the Stone Age – “No One Knows”
ZZ Top – “Sharp Dressed Man”
Deep Purple – “Smoke on the Water”
Jimi Hendrix – “Spanish Castle Magic”
Incubus – “Stellar”
Megadeth – “Symphony of Destruction”
The Donnas – “Take It Off”
Franz Ferdinand – “Take Me Out”
Stevie Ray Vaughn – “Texas Flood”
White Zombie – “Thunderkiss 65”
Helmet – “Unsung”
Judas Priest – “You Got Another Thing Comin”
David Bowie – “Ziggy Stardust”

After reading through this list, can you think of even one song from their entire catalogue to put to the test?
We rest our case.

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Reason # 395 – Lullaby of Beatleland

Just when you think you’ve got the answers, I change the questions..
– Rowdy Roddy Piper.

A fitting quote. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, here comes beatle Lullabys. I’m not sure who the intended audience is for this one, my guess its one of two people:

A) The fan who never gets bored of listening to Revolver and ends up staying awake all night basking in beatle blather, working themselves into such a frenzy at the sound of forty year old pop songs that they’re constantly late for work, showing up in their moptop wigs and drooling in a semi-catatonic, FF induced state of delirium. In other words, the average fan in need of a sleep aid.

B) Infants who can’t defend themselves.

I’m hoping the correct answer is A, if not there’s a new form of child abuse on the market just as dangerous as the epidemic of fat diabetic kids in America. This is no different than conditioning children to think that its a good idea to strap bombs to themselves or training them to become child soldiers. Maybe not quite as extreme, but its exactly the same method used.

Conditioning these young minds from infancy that this is not only music, but good music, is basically taking away any freedom of thought these poor kids are entitled to as human beings, programming them to believe that the only option in life is to stand in line with all the other open mouthed gawkers at the trough of the beatles, waiting for the honour of buying the next re-release. This is Burgess’s Ludovico Technique, this is Orwell’s Newspeak, its unspeakable and disgusting abuse of trust and power. I’d rather have my toddler not only breathe second-hand smoke, but smoke two packs a day!

Anyway, we’re always good for an example:

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Reason #481 – My Beatle Gets Me Blues

A lot has been said about the originality of the ‘greatest band of all time.’ The influence of their inventions has been felt far and wide, exalted and referenced as groundbreaking and unequaled to this day.

Lets take a look at some of this groundbreaking work, and maybe try put it into perspective.

They were heralded as one of the most original bands ever when they released the song Twist and Shout in 1964. I’m not quite sure just what is so original about recording a cover of an Isley Brothers song. The way they performed it, with all of them singing ‘Whooo!’ at the same time?

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that aside from Brian Epstein inventing a way to shape them into something marketable, the beats pretty much played variations on the same couple of songs and covers until Rubber Soul in ’66, their first original album. Aside from some new instrumentation (George Martin) and their constant use of marijuana, what exactly was so original? It was a bunch of pretty rock songs. The same goes with the groundbreaking Revolver.

This brings us to their piece de resistance, Sgt Pepper. They spent over six months in the studio recording and mixing it, released it in ’67. There was a lot of groundbreaking equipment and technical tricks used in the studio. A lot of elaborate instrumentations and sound effects were used. Some tunes were longer than the average pop song. In the end, they had an interesting collage of songs and sounds based lyrically on drugs, leaky roofs, articles in the newspaper, circus posters, meter maids, corn flake commercials and one about spirituality. Musically they took influences from 30’s music, skiffle, rock and carnivals. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that seems more like using whats at your disposal than inventing anything. They achieved massive commercial and critical success. Whats new?

Lets take a look at something else that was happening at roughly the same time. Don Van Vliet, an up and coming R&B singer, changed his persona to Captain Beefheart and started a group named The Magic Band in ’65. They became quite popular and put out a few early singles covering blues songs to great local success. He began to form his own ideas about what music was and what it should say, and recruiting Ry Cooder on guitar they went in the studio to begin work on their first album, Safe as Milk. This was a bold, delta blues inspired work of poetry and intensity. Shortly afterwards, they were dropped from their label after the song Electricity was considered too negative. Although it didn’t reach commercial success, this album was hailed internationally, finding many fans and supporters.

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Although Lennon was hugely impressed with Safe as Milk (note the posters behind him), it appears Beefheart wasn’t quite as taken with him.

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Vliet then decided to take the band somewhere new. Holed up in his isolated home drawing on free jazz, sea shanties and blues, he sat down and began to compose on the piano, an instrument he couldn’t play, in order to avoid falling into the traps of convention and theory. He wanted to hear what was in his head, and what was in his head couldn’t conform to anything he’d heard. He ruled his band with an iron fist, demanding 14 hour practice sessions, forcing them to learn impossible chords and timings and live in virtual poverty until the album was complete. At one point he locked guitarist Zoot Horn Rollo in a shed after he was suspected of listening to a beatle song. There was to be no outside influences. He spit fire, bled poetry, lived music and the band honed its teeth for 8 months.

While Howlin’ Wolf was in England trying to wean British blues masters away from their obsession with even bar-counts, Vliet was creating his own musical language and universe. What he came out with polarized the music world, shocking people with its stunning originality and its musical ties to nothing. Its lyrics spoke of the environment, genocide, immigrants, Vietnam Vets, and poverty, among other things. The double album Trout Mask Replica was recorded in Van Vliet’s home over a period of one weekend, as opposed to the five months it took the FF to record their double album, The White Album.

Perhaps an extreme example, but this is originality as an uncompromising force to be reckoned with. You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to listen to it, just turn on your radio and you’ll be safe from the threat of ever hearing it, but you do have to acknowledge it. Wanna tell me what the FF did that was so groundbreaking again?

Don Van Vliet, retained that original spark until he retired from the music biz in 1982 after MTV rejected Ice Cream for Crow as being too weird. Also in 1982, the remaining FF continued recording generic safeness; Ringo released Stop and smell the Roses, McCartney was singing duets with Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder, and George Harrison released Gone Troppo (I had to look it up too).

I’d never just want to do what everybody else did. I’d be contributing to the sameness of everything.

-Don Van Vliet

Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band performing Sure ‘Nuff ‘N Yes I Do from Safe as Milk, live from Cannes in ’68.

In Comparison:

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Reason # 709 – Elvis -vs- The beatles

I’d like to talk a little bit about EWS, or Elvis Worship Syndrome.

You must know the condition. Every family either has or knows somebody who suffers from this malady; yet its treated lightly, ignored, or laughed about behind closed doors. The signs are obvious, but once this fixation takes hold nothing can be done to stop it. Think about that crazy uncle with the big sideburns who proudly displays a giant airbrushed Elvis tapestry in his living room. He has Elvis busts on the porch, Elvis ashtrays, Elvis drinking glasses, Elvis playing cards, Elvis t-shirts, Elvis hats, Elvis pillow cases, Elvis oven mitts, Elvis plates from the Franklin Mint hanging in the dining room…

After your visit you always have a good chuckle thinking about your zany uncle and his kooky obsession. Its just crazy to be so obsessive about anything, let alone a performer who left the great stage 30 years ago. A singer who became so diluted through merchandising and marketing that he started to become a parody of himself while he was still alive. Yet for some reason when you get home and admire the framed, hand-drawn portraits on your wall of the beatles from the cover of the White Album, pop on the latest repackaged album, have drink from your lead paint based Yellow Submarine mug and put on your New York City t-shirt nothing seems odd. In fact, you don’t give it a second thought.

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Reason # 373 – beatle spunk

Thats right, The The Punkles are a German band that play punk versions of beatles songs in the style of the Ramones. I may alienate myself from the community by admitting this, but I kind of like this band, or maybe I should say their versions aren’t as nausea inducing as the originals. I only wish they’d been able to find some better material to perform. I can understand wanting to plug-in to the FF cash machine, but show some damn respect to the Ramones!

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Reason # 1754 – The Ballad of John and Frank

On June 5th, 1971, John Lennon and Yoko Ono joined Frank Zappa and the Mothers of invention on stage for their first and last collaboration. The result was 40 odd minutes of either brilliant musicianship and improvisation, or a small eternity in hell.

J & O appeared that night during the encore as special guests, much to the delight of the unsuspecting crowd. It started out innocently enough with a rocking version of Well (baby please don’t go). This found Lennon in front of the tightest band he’d ever played with, at his side Yoko was in fine form… doing her thing.

After a lengthy improv it became apparent that John was understandably out of his element. After a few attempts to nudge him back to reality, Zappa narrowly avoided a trainwreck and steered the band into some original material before a blues based form was introduced. The brilliant Howard Kaylan and Mark Volman, aka Flo and Eddie, took over on vocals and introduced a new lyrical theme for the silver tongued song smith to expand upon, Scumbag. John happily grabbed onto this new word and sang to save his life, while Flo and Eddie draped a potato sack over Yoko.

The good news was Zappa and the Mothers had booked a recording truck for the weekend as they were in the process of making the legendary Fillmore East ’71 album. After the show there was an arrangement made so both parties would have access to the tapes, and they could each release their own mixes of the performance.

And then they all lived happily ever after.

Until suddenly…

John and Yoko released Some Time in New York City. For the record sleeve they used the album cover from Fillmore East ’71, scribbled all over it, and scrawled in what they thought the songs were. They took writing and publishing credits, stealing the music for profit (if anybody had bought the album, but that’s beside the point).

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For the final insult… here’s the story of the from Frank himself:

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Its all part of a long line of undocumented theft and disrespect towards the inimitable Zappa who saw through them from the beginning. He released the worlds first concept album and double album in ’66 with his major label debut Freak Out!.

McCartney owned a copy, and called Zappa to ask permission to use the idea. Expecting to get a drugged out hippie on the phone drooling over his famous moptop, he was instead met with a fiercely intelligent composer and business man who expected to be compensated for his own ideas. Instead of all that fuss, the beatles just stole the idea and claimed it as their own.
This statement is incorrect, see comments, das

Zappa retaliated with the famous We’re Only In It For The Money, an album vilifying hippie pretensions, sporting on the cover a parody of Sgt Peppers.

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There’s been countless other violations of trust and utter lack of respect from the FF towards Zappa. We won’t get into everything, but here’s an ironic example:

Zappa recorded a medley of beatles songs, the lyrics were changed to make fun of disgraced TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart. The FF had lost control of publishing rights at this time when suddenly, out of nowhere, Michael Jackson jumped out and blocked the songs release! Why? Who knows. Either the idea of adults having sex was too much for him, or the FF mafia had already seized control of his brain.

Here’s a copy of the unreleased, and likely never to be released medley for your listening pleasure. This is Zappa, so be forewarned if you’re the sensitive type:

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If you happen to be the curious type, here is unedited concert:

Reason # 947 – Underrated guitarist seeks recognition.

The wonderful folks at Rolling Stone Magazine have once again brought us a comprehensive, impartial and unbiased list aimed at helping 14 year old girls, university students, and wanna be hipsters sound like they know something about music. If you flip through the full page glossy ads bejeweled with anorexic models long enough, you will eventually find an article. Normally, the purpose of these articles seem to be aimed at pushing to you follow in HST’s footsteps, or poking out your eyes with a subscription card so you don’t have to read anymore. Every once in a while there will be one thats really bad.

Like this:

The twenty-five most underrated guitarists.

Surprisingly, I agree with a couple of those choices.

Unfortunately, putting George Harrison on a list of underrated guitar players cancels any credibility this list might have contained. How did they leave out those other underrated guitarists Eddie Van Halen, Stevie Ray Vaughn and Jimi Hendrix!?!

To call one of the most overrated guitarist in history underrated is not just an insult to your intelligence, its a sign that these people don’t even bother trying anymore. I refuse to believe the general public has been conditioned to the point that they need only print the word beatle or mention an FF name and suddenly wallets are flying while we drool and chew our beatle cud.

If I’m wrong, and we’re too late, click here and subscribe:

Rolling Stone

Why not? You’ll just buy the next remix (scheduled to be out in about five minutes, after that every five minutes for eternity) of Let It Be with that money anyway.