Tag Archives: Beatlefication

Reason #1938.2 – Across the Universe *Update*

People laughed, people scoffed, but a mere two months after we announced our plans for sending beatle fans into space on the Across the Universe Tour, NASA beat us to the quick by launching phase one for themselves. Hats off, drinks are on us!

Link to the official NASA Story

Their Beatlefication of the universe project is admittedly slightly more advanced than our original idea. They’ve assured a clear passage for the trip by blasting the dreaded FF ditty at the speed of 186,000 miles per second at the star Polaris. As you undoubtedly know, hearing this song at a mere 33 1/3 RPM is enough to send the typical human into convulsions, at this speed the moptop missile will destroy anything in its path. At least anything with a decent ear or sense of taste, leaving the musically challenged beatlehead to tiptoe through the nebulae unfettered. We have only one criticism of their actions, why didn’t they shoot one of the former beatles into space instead?

A Ghastly side-effect, aside from the request that earthlings all play the song in sympathy with the launch, is the ever-quickening disintegration of the already fragile minds of these poor braindead fools standing in line to go on the trip.

A direct quote from the comments page on NASA’s official site:

How befitting that the music of humanity is sung amongst the music of the spheres; how the sound of a generation past shall rest with generations future; of four young lads from Liverpool, amongst the skiffle and the rock n roll, elevated to the galactic neigbourhood and beyond. RIP John & George Amen Om. Well done NASA. Beatlemania at Polaris in 143 years?

Gee, how thoughtful. How eloquent. Kind of makes you wish for instant global annihilation, don’t it?


Reason # 1938 – Across the Universe Tour

Reason #1938 – Across the Universe

It was once noted that if one billion people were spaced one inch apart they could reach the moon. Six billion people would wrap around the moon and back three times. Its been estimated that the beatles album sales by the year 2000 was 113.5 million copies in the US alone. This figure is very conservative, considering it doesn’t mention singles and considers only RIAA certified releases. By 1965 the band had sold over a million copies of With the beatles and by 1970 it was estimated the band had sold over 500 million records. Its safe to say the actual number is at least 10 times that amount, and thats playing it safe.

If we were to lay all those albums end to end, and four across, they would undoubtedly reach the moon and back. But why come back? Why not stretch out across the universe and see whats out there? There’s still a lot of hidden secrets in the music of the FF (maybe the Walrus wasn’t Paul after all), and what better way to discover them that to take the long and winding road of records?

Our proposal is two tours:
I’ll Follow the Sun, or The Sun King Express will take FF fans straight to the center of our solar system where they can march directly into the source of inspiration for so many songs, the sun. Its a long journey, but thankfully for us a one way trip.
The second tour is a little more exciting, because at the rate beatlemart is pumping out album asphalt the trip is guaranteed to be an endless journey into the cosmos. The Lucy in the sky with Diamonds Across the Universe Tour will travel away from the sun and into infinity. Hopefully these travelers won’t encounter any intelligent life during their journey, only other beatle fans. It will get very cold, so be sure to pack your thermal Sgt Peppers jackets for the trip. Don’t worry about oxygen, you’ll be surrounded by a protective aura of love, thats all you need.

Now you can finally revolve around the world the way the world revolves around the beatles. As an added bonus, while your out there be sure to place a star in the new beatles constellation!