I’m unsure where, or why. All I know for sure is that in 1975 Cher teamed up with Tina Turner and what seems to be a young Dame Edna to produce a nightmarish rainbow clad beatle medley monstrosity, guaranteed to scar and terrify the entire family.
In our quest to bring you the only the very best of the beatles, we’ve developed a new method of displaying the technical achievements of the band for all the world to enjoy. Have you ever wished you could have been a fly on the wall during some of those recording sessions? Well thanks to us you can! For the first time in the history of mankind we proudly present the first 12 takes of Help! edited down to the most interesting sections for your listening displeasure. Look for many more interesting collections in the future.
Help! Was written by John Lennon in 1965 while he was undergoing some personal and professional crisis, brought on by the fame of the beatles and his problems with becoming part of the establishment and growing increasingly overwhelmed with his celebrity. It was a cry for help that went unheeded as the beatlemachine hammered the beatles into the studio to record the soundtrack for their second film. John was completely disenchanted with how they had allowed themselves to be sold out, polished up, spit-shined and marketed as teen idols.
In other words:
Help! Went on to be a huge hit as the world ignored his plea and listened to the pretty singing.
Notice how George’s guitar part mysteriously disappears until the last few takes, its almost as though somebody locked him in a broom closet and wouldn’t let him out until he could sort of play it. Sound to me like George Martin could have used some help as well, or at least a few session musicians.
In an renewed effort to puke out regurgitated fluff at the rate of a new release every five seconds, the fine folks at beatleMart have decided to re-release the unwatchable film, Help!
This digitally remastered nightmare comes with 5.1 audio. Thats right, mono recordings like you’ve never heard them before. But wait, there’s more!
Disc two will feature a short documentary on the making, the restoration, and interviews with the crew. Finally you can see how exciting it is to sit in a dark editing suite, and find out what the gaffers and craft services thought about working on this masterpiece. Hopefully they’ll include an interview with the pair of scissors used to edit this monstrosity, I’d like to hear what kind of drugs it was using at the time.
Unfortunately, this will only appeal to the mediocre fans. Real beatleheads will need to drop a hundred bucks for the Help! (Deluxe Edition) Boxed Set. This includes such mandatory table scraps as:
-Lester’s annotated script. Wow! Who the hell is Lester?
-A poster. Great! There’s nothing like hanging up a poster thats been folded and pressed into a 7″ by 5″ rectangle!
-A 60-page booklet of photos and additional notes on the making of the film. I have to admit these are pretty cool. Thanks to our sources we’ve managed to secure one of these photos for you to preview, the FF relaxing with their loved ones, as well as a sample of one of the production notes.
Sure to be a collectors item soon, unlike the poorly planned beatle anthrax. Get your copy today!