Beatle Thumbs up overtakes Vatican bums up
In a dramatic move designed to distract the general public from focusing on it’s various indiscretions, the folks at the Vatican have decided to turn the table and bend over themselves, for beatlemart.
Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano paid tribute to the FF in one of it’s weekend editions, with two articles and a front-page cartoon reproducing the crosswalk immortalized on the cover of the band’s album Abbey Road.
“They took drugs, they lived dissolute and uninhibited lives,” said the paper. “They even said they were more famous than Jesus.”
“But listening to their songs, all of this seems distant and meaningless.
I think we can all agree with the Vatican that beatle songs seem distant and meaningless.
The strange thing here is not only the motivation behind this act, but also the speed at which the Vatican has forgiven the moptops for their deplorable behavior. Galileo was branded a heretic and sentenced to life imprisonment. His fiendish crimes included inventing the telescope and claiming the earth revolved around the sun. It took more than 400 years for the Catholic church to forgive him, and it’s unsure if they ever accepted his ‘Earth Is Round’ theory.
It may just be that the Vatican has embarked upon a pop culture crusade, using the beatles as a fiendish new instrument of torture. If so, I believe it’s safe to long for the good ole days of the Pear of Anguish, a far more humane way to be persecuted.
The horrifying truth is that not even the Vatican was prepared for the consequences which followed the sanctification of beatlemart and their mighty suckubus.
The beatles were officially forgiven on the weekend of April 10th, 2010. Hours later, the sleeping giant Eyjafjallajökull erupted, spewing molten rock, a towering wall of ash, dust and steam into the air, decimating economic, political and cultural activities in Europe and across the world.
This rare photograph of Eyjafjallajökull was buried by the Vatican.
A few days later, the Deepwater Horizon exploded, resulting in the largest marine oil spill in history.
Once again, the Vatican refused to allow this photo to be published.
What can be done to stop beatlemart from stealing your soul, destroying the air in your lungs and the soil beneath your feet, or even worse: re-releasing Let it Be again, is unknown. Please stay tuned for updates and we’ll do our best to advise you how to survive beatlegeddon.
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