2011 was a busy year for the beatles. There was a book released this year about Yellow Submarine. Yes, Yellow Submarine. Paul McCartney wrote a ballet and re-released a book of paintings. Martin Scorsese made a movie about George Harrison. A book of John Lennon’s letters and cards was released. Ringo is working on his 17th solo album. Somebody made a beatle Love app. John Lennon’s extracted molar sold for $31,000. I’d like to think this is just because of the approaching Armageddon, the Mayan prediction of 2012 and the end of the Long Count Calendar, the End of Days, or even because it’s nearly Christmas.
Unfortunately the truth is far more grievous. This is simply the normal output for the beatlemart/beatleblind mechanism. Every 45 seconds beatlemart pukes another regurgitated blob of insufferable, un-listenable, unwatchable, inedible, ‘must have’ new releases. You aren’t dreaming when you suddenly realize that the beatles released 12 new albums in 2011, or that there were 47 new books written about them, or 12 documentaries, 2 docu-dramas, 4 musicals, 1 opera and 2 new religions based on the writings of The Four.
This revelation can only mean it’s time for Suck My Beatles fifth annual, insanely popular Free beatles Christmas Cards extravaganza! This year we decided to leave out the Christmas messages so you can give out these beautiful cards all year round! We like to think of it as ‘paying it forward’ as opposed to beatlemarts ‘pay us more, muthafucka.’
To print these cards try holding down Ctrl P, Command P on the Mac, or ask your mom for help if you are a beatle fan.
For More Beatles Christmas Cards:
Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2010
Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2009
Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2008
Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2007
To download printer-friendly versions of these cards see instructions at the end of one of these previous collections.
Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2010
There are seventy-five new beatle books this month decorating store windows and displays. Their entire catalogue has been re-released and repackaged twice this year, and the record shops are bursting at the seams with these sugary confections. There were twelve movies about the beatles released in the last six months, and all of them are available on DVD at every convenience store, massage parlour and hot dog stand across the universe. Fab Four muzak is being pumped through speakers and poisoning crowds in shopping malls, elevators, street corners, taxicabs.
I’d like to say this is because Christmas is just around the corner, but the only thing that differentiates the volume of beatlemart’s putrid output this time of year from any other is that the prices have been jacked up, shoppers are more psychotic, and you get your choice of a free soup tureen or lube job with every 40th purchase of a beatles collectible troll doll.
In order to instill some hope for the rest of us and reinstate our faith in mankind, to send out a positive message of good cheer (and more importantly good taste), SMB has returned with the overwhelming popular Free beatles Christmas Cards extravaganza!
The audience has spoken and consecutively voted our cards the Best Free Beatles Suck Christmas Cards of 2007 , Best Free Anti-beatle Christmas Cards of 2008 and the prestigious Best Free I Hate The Beatles Holiday Cards of 2009. With your help we expect this year will be the greatest FF free holiday season to date.
Send these card to fab-blind fans, clueless relatives and brain dead associates. Do your part to stamp out the beatlemart this year, free of charge. Save your money for the important things in life like Hannah Montana smart cars and Justin Bieber jock straps.
To download printer-friendly versions of these cards see instructions at the end.
The holiday season is looming just around the corner, and once again we’re here to help. Put away that wallet! Get ready to wow your loved ones and impress your co-workers! Be the life of the party! Impress your brother-in-law who plays in a world renowned beatles tribute band! Steal the heart of that girl who you pretend to like the beatles for! Earn the respect of your enemies and make new friends! Be the man every woman loves and the woman every man wants to be!
Thanks to the overwhelming popularity of last years extravaganza, its time for the second annual installment of SMB’s Free Christmas Cards! New and improved, extra strength, doctor recommended, 100% satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. Need more Calgon? The wait is over! Sample something new, or stick with the tried and true.
To download printer-friendly, full sized versions of these incredible cards, just right-click and save this handy little file: