Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2010
There are seventy-five new beatle books this month decorating store windows and displays. Their entire catalogue has been re-released and repackaged twice this year, and the record shops are bursting at the seams with these sugary confections. There were twelve movies about the beatles released in the last six months, and all of them are available on DVD at every convenience store, massage parlour and hot dog stand across the universe. Fab Four muzak is being pumped through speakers and poisoning crowds in shopping malls, elevators, street corners, taxicabs.
I’d like to say this is because Christmas is just around the corner, but the only thing that differentiates the volume of beatlemart’s putrid output this time of year from any other is that the prices have been jacked up, shoppers are more psychotic, and you get your choice of a free soup tureen or lube job with every 40th purchase of a beatles collectible troll doll.
In order to instill some hope for the rest of us and reinstate our faith in mankind, to send out a positive message of good cheer (and more importantly good taste), SMB has returned with the overwhelming popular Free beatles Christmas Cards extravaganza!
The audience has spoken and consecutively voted our cards the Best Free Beatles Suck Christmas Cards of 2007 , Best Free Anti-beatle Christmas Cards of 2008 and the prestigious Best Free I Hate The Beatles Holiday Cards of 2009. With your help we expect this year will be the greatest FF free holiday season to date.
Send these card to fab-blind fans, clueless relatives and brain dead associates. Do your part to stamp out the beatlemart this year, free of charge. Save your money for the important things in life like Hannah Montana smart cars and Justin Bieber jock straps.
To download printer-friendly versions of these cards see instructions at the end.
Printing Options:
1. These cards are formatted to print out at the traditional 5×7 size. Print it on a sheet of paper and cut, or for a professional look get some Blank Greeting Cards
2. For the best results, have the enclosed pictures printed out at the standard 4×6 size on high quality photopaper, and paste them on a blank card using either glue or drool from a beatlefan.
Download Cards Here: freeBeatleCard2010.rar[7952kb]
For More Beatles Christmas Cards:
Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2009
Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2008
Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2007
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You’re a fucking idiot!
Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.
Hi fellow Beatle haters,
A Christmas present from all the folks down in Australia.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTHV7EIb1rg
Enjoy, courtesy Myles Barlow.
2010: A Space Odyssey
A Proposal.
Beatlehaters are considering establishing a Tribunal similar to the International War Crimes Tribunal in The Hague. The purpose of which is to establish a raft of sweeping draconian laws, backward bureaucracies and legal biases in order to stamp out “Beatleness” wherever it is found, lest it should ever happen again.
Secondly, to put on trial before the court, all “Beatles” and their “Fans” who are accused (dead or alive) of crimes against music as determined by the Tribunal.
Thirdly, to publicly defame and summarily strip “The Beatles” of all merit and/or accolades and punish accordingly.
Four mop-top heads are going to roll.
Upon determining The Beatles crimes against music and subsequent guilt:
The Beatles Summary Offences Act shall be legislated and proclaimed.
-NASA Space exploration program will be cancelled due to funding redirection.
-Any surviving Beatles members and their family members will be whisked away to a remote windswept field in Northern England and unceremoniously bludgeoned to death with a blunt instrument.
Their remains burned and sent into the centre of the sun.
-George Martin will be killed, if he isn’t already dead.
-Mark Chapman will be pardoned.
-Phil Spector will be left right where he is, as a living memorial and deterrent.
-Expired Beatles remains shall be exhumed, symbolically executed, and then launched into the centre of the sun.
-The “Beatles” entire audio back-catalogue; including but not limited to; master tapes, reference acetates, press plates, out-takes etc. shall be summarily deleted and/or destroyed.
-Any material alluding to the prior existence of the aforementioned back-catalogue shall be summarily deleted and/or destroyed.
-Any existing “Beatles” merchandise and/or warehouse stock will be crushed, burned and launched into the centre of the sun.
-Musical instruments (ab)used by “The Beatles” and any subsequent reissues, signature series or any other musical instrument that may remind any unsuspecting innocent bystander of “The Beatles” will be burned, jettisoned into the sun.
-This means all hofner violin basses, epiphone casinos, Ludwig drums, vox amplifiers etc, etc.
-Anyone found to be in possession of material(s) pertaining to; performing, acting out, impersonating, miming, humming, whistling, thinking, interpretive dancing, or other act deemed being either directly, indirectly, pertaining to, or unreasonably about “The Beatles” back-catalogue will be killed.
-Any existing “Beatles” tribute bands, cover acts, stage shows, cabaret acts, licensed franchisees, pretenders, troubadours, buskers or other persistent nostalgic impersonators and/or their immediate next of kin will be killed.
-Remastering, reissuing, remixing, rehashing, rehearsing and generally regurgitating any “Beatles” material or part thereof will be punishable by death.
-Persons involved with audio/video production, post-production, recording, engineering and/or producing found to be engaging in sonic misconduct not entirely unlike “The Beatles” will be deemed “Beatlesque” and killed.
This means you Jeff Lynne. Todd Rundgren etc, etc.
-Fire-on-site orders will be issued to roving death-squads equipped with flame-throwers for use on anyone who speaks of the back-catalogue. Ever.
-An intercontinental nuclear ballistic missile will be armed, targeted at Abbey road studios and subsequently launched.
(Nuclear winter party at pedestrian-crossing-crater everyone! Get your happy snaps of that one.)
-Rockets, missiles, satellites and/or terrestrial bodies previously launched into space containing materials relating to “The Beatles” represent a threat to the entire universe and will be self-destructed or redirected into the path of the nearest oncoming astrological threat.
-A large Electromagnetic Pulse weapon will be designed, built and fired in order to destroy all “Beatles” radio emissions previously broadcast from the Earth.
-Internet, government and private databases will be hacked, cracked, sifted, trolled for every last solitary 0 or 1 of digital “Beatles” material, or the word ‘beatle’ and summarily deleted and/or destroyed. Permanently.
-All subsequent operating systems and versions of windows to crash upon use of word ’beatle’.
-All existing documentary evidence pertaining to “Beatles” rounded up and burned. Ashes collected, launched into centre of the sun.
-Roving death-squads to be given draconian powers to kick in doors, search and seize all previous storage and retrieval formats from wax cylinders to BLU-RAY and everything in between. Collected material to be launched into the centre of the sun.
(-Paraphernalia fanatics are particularly dangerous to the community at large and are to be singled out for special treatment. The criminal-music justice system must send a strong message and needs to set an example.)
-If found in possession of more than 2 articles relating to “The Beatles”, fanatics can be deemed “Beatophiles” and strapped alive to the missile cone as we jettison the back-catalogue material into the centre of the sun.
-Science will be funded with all the money we have saved at the NASA space program by jettisoning everything into the sun. New research will identify genetic predisposition towards “liking the Beatles” and we will have the scourge promptly isolated and engineered out of the human genome.
-Anti-Beatle Intelligence organizations will be given not-very-special powers to detain without charge indefinitely, interrogate and torture with impunity (render), and kill anyone suspected of ever having been a “Beatles” fan. Anyone deemed potentially “at risk” of ever becoming a “Beatles” fan will be shot on site.
The Tribunal hasn’t forgotten you snivelling lifelong faithful devotees who will be flushed out of the woodwork in their masses to line up like lemmings for a public love-in with their little round glasses, Chinese vox amps and crappy reissue guitars to get shot in the head as “Beatle martyrs”. I think I’ll draft in Chapman for that job.
When I see an old “Beatles” record, I buy it, no matter what cost, take it home and destroy it. Gone.
I would encourage other BeatleHaters to do the same. Original pressings are a finite resource and can be eradicated, just like original Beatles fans… This is a war of attrition. This fight we can win.
Destruction of Re-issue vinyl just makes money for BeatleMart. They can punch the shit out faster than we can burn it.
Phil Spector, the most tragic Beatles fan of all, and other nutcases like him are the only reason that I regrettably cannot put my name to my beloved work.
Do not doubt the purity and strength of my hatred for all things “Beatles”. The fight goes on.
Anonymous.
To The Grand Inquisitor
Let me know how your plan works out for ya!
Ill be watching!
Fab4ever!
Steve
Beatlefan
Steve, happy new year my favorite beatle fan!
How’s tricks?
-Das
Awww 2 bad ur retarded website with 3 followes didn’t work. 🙁 wat the hell did u think would happen? The beatles r legends u cand stomp them out.and fyi they did more 4 society than u can ever do wit a haters website. Jerkoff
umm…….
1.that is offensive to The Beatles and you just declared war with all The Beatles lovers (not good idea)
2. That is offensive to my religion, even more than it says the word sucks which is in fact something that i can assure Jesus would never say….except if he is talking to you…
3. R U AN ASSHOLE
4.nkjbvjrbenjkfvgn!”·”$·$%&$&%$
5. No comeent
You religious people and your damn wars, give peace a chance! I also agree with 4 & 5.
“The Beatles suck.” – John Lennon
Jaja John Lennon always knew they were the best,he was refering to the lifestile of being in the most popular band in the world.
Of course they were gonna be the most popular,they were the first popular band in history,the very first popular concept of a band who writes their own stuff,and at the same time they keep evolving and sounding completely different,wich in music its not that easy to be that creative and survive.
No, Zoyelqure, they suck! Don’t ask me why or how, they just suck! They influenced virtually every other rock artist that followed them? I don’t care, they’re so bad! I mean, just listen to their crappy pop music, they’re awful!
I’ve always heard you can’t tell the difference between the generic and premium brands.
“Awww 2 bad ur retarded website with 3 followes didn’t work. wat the hell did u think would happen? The beatles r legends u cand stomp them out.and fyi they did more 4 society than u can ever do wit a haters website. Jerkoff”
Awww, too bad you didn’t finish college to make a decent point or spelling point, and u think a boy band that all sounds the same is a legend. Especially after they teach peace and most of the followers jerk off to pictures of Sharon Tates dead body.
“Of course they were gonna be the most popular,they were the first popular band in history,the very first popular concept of a band who writes their own stuff,and at the same time they keep evolving and sounding completely different,wich in music its not that easy to be that creative and survive.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAWHHHHHHHHAAAAAA, COUGH, SPIT, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…….I have to go wipe my ass now, I think I just shit on myself again. They should make people like this into a reality show!
I’m confused ‘DogShit’. You refer to your spelling point which I must bring you up on chap?
Let’s call it spelling and grammar from this point onwards;
1.Firstly they ‘write’ their own stuff not writes.
2. You keep referring to your ‘Ass’, do you have donkey?
I’ve had a thought, perhaps a great idea for a reality show? How about you wiping your donkey clean and then you shitting yourself (not sure how that works, do you rub it on?).
Oh by the way, there are more than three people in the world who hate the beatles.
P.S the black man invented rock’n’roll, time to move on.
DAS! The last comment was not mine and U know it! Tag him for me please. Fake losers that have no valid argument, then slur your good name from a last ditch effort to win. No wonder Obama is in office!
Number 16 that is. Not mine.
Gotcha DS.
@Fathabit: that wasn’t dogshit, it was a beatlefan posing as a human.
TY! I can always depend on another human to back me up, unlike what Yoko did to the beatles. Only what she did was a good thing. Can you imagine how much garbage would have been pumped into the already festering sewers if the beatles had about 10 more years together, if she had never came along to break them up!?
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@The Grand Inquisitor
FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING 2010:A Space Odyssey PIECE OF SHIT. GO FUCK YOURSELF AND DIE MOTHERFUCKER. AS FOR YOU “SUCKMYBEATLES” FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
overrated motherfuckers. Makes rabid Justin Beiber fans look like euthanized poodles. And the time frame! fuck get over it already. No I don’t like anything beatles related and no, the music i like was not influenced by the beatles. Fucking fanboys making apple fanboys look likeable.
ALL YOU GUYS ARE ASSES!!I BET YOUR ALL JUST WANT TO BE LIKE THEM AND I BET IF THEY WERE HERE RIGHT NOW AND SAW THIS THEY WOULD KICK ALL OF YOUR ASSES!!!!
I BET ALL OF YOU THINK ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEY ARE BECAUSE YOU MADE A WEBSITE ABOUT THEM SO YOU THINK ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME!
FUCK ALL OF YOU PEOPLE WHO HATE THEM!WELL I BET THEY HATE YOU TO!!!
Wow, all caps again from a beatles fan,……..imagine that, but I’m betting it’s just a bored troll who cares niether way.
Nevertheless, yawn, I will respond by saying, we beatles haters think about them all the time because they won’t FUCKING go away! And john and george couldn’t kick my ass because they are dead, (and pussies) Paul is trying to recuperate from Heather Mills kicking his ass and Nancy Shevell futurally (is that a word?) kicking his ass finally to the grave. And ringo is still too busy trying to figure out how to stay on time with Pete Best as well as trying to find Barbara Bach’s submarine G spot to imagine what it would be like,………. to kick my ass!
I’m not worried, but I bet you fantasize about it everyday. Just like how you fantasize your hydroponic garden could be doing!
PS. Too bad Stuart Sutcliffe died so early, because the beetles, yes, the beetles is how it was spelled back then may have had a ray of hope for talent that would inspire and arise better talent. But john took over after SS died, got whacked out more than he already was, and created this world that we all have to suffer in, that despise poor taste and shitty music.
PSS..F U too…………loser!
PSSS….Usually, I don’t go beyond PSS, but since you seem like the first of your generation to be walking upright, notice the capitalization of names and places of what is important…………in my entire reply.
PSSSS……….psych……..just kidding……..yur stoopid!
PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…………… HA……..I bet you will run to your PC to find out who Pete Best and Stuart Sutcliffe are!!!!!!!!!!!!!……….idiot!
Hmmmm…poor, poor people.
You haters all must suffer from a lack of oxygen to the brain. That has to be the only reason that you can’t bring yourselves to adore the most brilliant band that ever existed.
I was surfing the web, trying to find fun Christmas pics of them. Somehow, I got routed to this sorry mess of a website.
Well, I’m leaving this message here now, and I probably won’t see the replies I get, because I don’t believe in wallowing in ugliness.
I sincerely hope that someday, all of you here find it within yourselves to truly appreciate the genius that was, and will always continue to be, the Beatles.
May you all have a beautiful, peaceful, and joyous Beatle-filled holiday season.
“War is Over, if You Want it”
Wow, KPB, I feel sorry for anyone who involves them in Christmas Joy.
I’m not surprised at Jesus’ T-shirt. He’s jealous of The Beatles popularity. Have a merry Beatle Krimble…
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